Year end review:The top 10 supermarket celebrities of 2010

1: Sandra Bullock.

Sandra Bullock went from triumphant Oscar winner to wronged woman in less than a month and all gossip outlets everywhere went completely nuts. The details of Jesse James' numerous infidelities with tattooed sluts just kept coming, you'll pardon the expression. And just when it looked like Sandy would be the victim the jackals of the press would hound forever... Louis Bardo Bullock. Yes, he's a real person. Yes, he's an adorable little fat baby. But in terms of the gossip world, he was Sandra Bullock's "I win" card. Suddenly, the conversation changed and she was the heroine instead of the victim.

Probability of being in the 2011 top ten: Low to moderate. Circumstances can change at any time, but there is no remaining interest in the divorce and almost nobody stays at the top of the gossip rag list based solely on cute baby pictures. Sandy can probably have her life back.

2: Jennifer Aniston.

The gossip rags cannot get enough of Jennifer Aniston, whether or not she has a movie out and regardless of that movie's success. Jen is America's Spinster Sweetheart, incredibly successful in her career and equally unsuccessful at love. As I have said before, the story of her and BrAngelina parallels Debbie Reynolds, Liz Taylor and Eddie Fisher. The only major difference is that Brad Pitt is a bigger star than Eddie Fisher was, even in his prime.

Probability of being in the 2011 top ten: Very high.

3: BrAngelina.

They aren't Liz Taylor and Eddie Fisher. They are Liz Taylor and Richard Burton, the biggest movie star couple of their generation.

Probability of being in the 2011 top ten: However high Jennifer Aniston's odds are, BrAngelina's odds are higher. Brad's family doesn't like Angie and they will spill whatever beans they have to the jackals of the press in a heartbeat.

4. Kim Kardashian.
5. Kourtney Kardashian.

The Kardashians have turned the study of 21st Century fame into a science. Kim's first claims to fame were her friendship with Paris Hilton and a sex tape, both of those events nearly forgotten now. She is a reality TV star and all the gossip rags love her. She goes through boyfriends like they were Kleenex and she has a chance to become the second most famous spinster after Jennifer Aniston if her luck doesn't change.

On the other hand, her sister Kourtney has a cute little baby that she doesn't exploit in the gossip rags that much, God bless her. It's her baby daddy Scott Disick that makes her a gossip favorite, and unless he really changes his ways, their story will continue to make the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter.

Probability of being in the 2011 top ten: As long as their reality show is on the air, they will be in the gossip rags.

6. Jesse James

He surpassed Tiger Woods as Man Slut of the Year, but now that Sandra Bullock has moved on, the gossip rags show next to no interest in him.

Probability of being in the 2011 top ten: Unless circumstances change radically, two words describe Jesse James' chances of remaining a gossip mag staple.

Jon Gosselin.

7. Kendra Wilkinson

Kind of like the Kardashians, but not as bright, Kendra is one of those reality TV stars the supermarket rags love.

It may have something to do with cleavage.

Probability of being in the 2011 top ten: As long as her reality show is on the air, she will be in the gossip rags.

8. Scott Disick

King of the bad boyfriends.

Probability of being in the 2011 top ten: As long as their reality show is on the air and he doesn't take a powder, he will be in the gossip rags.

9. Angelina Jolie

If I mentioned Angie and Brad separately in each story, they would be the top two gossip stars all by themselves. She is perfect tabloid fodder because nearly any story can be hung on her. She's a psycho bitch on wheels, she's a great humanitarian, she's a good mom, a bad mom, a man stealer, a loving partner... she is whatever the headline writers of the tabloids want her to be.


Probability of being in the 2011 top ten: As high as anyone not currently in the Top Five. Higher than Sandra Bullock by a long shot.

10. Oprah Winfrey

She is the only celebrity in the Top Ten who is almost the exclusive property of the AMI kennel. Of the 33 Oprah headlines this year, only one was from OK! and she was a supporting player in that story, since Rob and Kristen allegedly announced they would marry on her show.

Probability of being in the 2011 top ten: Remarkably low. Besides her show going off the air soon, Oprah usually shows up only on the covers of the AMI magazines. While they are allegedly separate editorial entities, they tend to "take turns", so Oprah will only be one the cover of one of them per week, two maximum. The other five magazines at the supermarket counters are actually competing against one another, so someone like Jennifer Aniston or Ashton Kutcher can be on the cover of several magazines in the same week if they do something of interest.

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Best odds of celebrities to make it into the 2011 top ten who were not in the 2010 top ten: Wills'N'Kate, Snooki, Amber Portwood. Of course, circumstances can change everything.