Who's Nasty and Who's Nice?

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 13 December 2010

The low rent Examiner, usually in competition with the other Wicked Step Sisters for who can print the most nasty headlines, produces a front cover that is, dare I say it, fair and balanced this week. They have a grab bag story about who is nasty and who is nice, identifying three of each, then they have five pictures of celebrities who they identify inside the magazine. As usual, I didn't open the magazine to find out, but I'll admit I was tempted to do so, and I never want to open up the low rent Examiner.

Here are the three nasty celebrities they identify.

• Dr. Phil McGraw
• Angelina Jolie
• Barbara Walters

I can believe that list.

Here are the three celebrities they identify as nice.

• Angela Lansbury
• Tom Hanks
• George Clooney

Also a believable list.

These are five names they promise to identify inside the magazine as nasty or nice.

• Donald Trump
• Matt Lauer
• Sally Field
• Garth Brooks
• Madonna

Okay, I'm a little curious, but I have a pretty good idea which way each of these goes, at least about the celebrities for whom I actually have formed an opinion.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Barbara Walters set to fire Whoopi Goldberg

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 20 September 2010

The low rent National Examiner says Barbara Walters is set to fire Whoopi Goldberg from The View. This may be true, but why would anybody give this news to the Examiner? They don't have enough money to maintain a website, for pity's sake. Go someplace where you can GIT PAID, as we say in Oaktown.

Hospitalization alert:The battle to save Barbara Walters

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 24 May 2010

The Flagship, usually the nastiest of the rags, puts as positive a spin on this story, which was already in the legitimate press since Ms. Walters reported her surgery on her TV show The View. They do not say she is dying or that these are her Brave Last Days, just that the procedure is serious, which is true.

Best wishes to Ms. Walters and her family, but not from a fan.

Hospitalization alert:The battle to save Barbara Walters

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 24 May 2010

The Flagship, usually the nastiest of the rags, puts as positive a spin on this story, which was already in the legitimate press since Ms. Walters reported her surgery on her TV show The View. They do not say she is dying or that these are her Brave Last Days, just that the procedure is serious, which is true.

Best wishes to Ms. Walters and her family, but not from a fan.

Love Bird Alert™:Barbara Walters moves in with her boyfriend

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 8 Mar. 2010

More data supporting the idea that the Examiner is the tabloid for very old people. They want you to know that the brazen hussy Barbara Walters is moving in with her boyfriend.

Personally, I think Ms. Walters is just striking a blow for the sanctity of marriage. Since we know that marriage is for procreation and not recreation and Old Babs is now 80, letting her get married is effectively as bad as letting gay people marry, and we know that just isn't done, right?

Good on ya, Babs, you slutty old geezer!