She Fought The Law Alert™: Inside Lindsay's house arrest.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 4 July 2011

For only the seventh time in six months, Lindsay Lohan lands on the cover of one of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter. Weekly Life & Style has exclusive interviews and photos of the star who is now under house arrest.

As much drama as Lindsay produces, the supermarket rags just barely care about her. To give you a rough idea, there are four young women from the reality TV nightmare Teen Mom that have more cover stories this year than Lindsay Lohan.

Weekly World News Alert: A promise of no pictures of Lindsay Lohan inside.

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)

Date: 6 June 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays!

The Weekly World News has a cute gag headline about a promise to have no pictures of Lindsay Lohan in their magazine this week, with a picture of LiLo on the cover where she is running from paparazzi and barely visible.

I think the gag would be funnier if they had named a real tabloid gossip star like Jennifer Aniston, Sandra Bullock, Kim Kardashian or Angelina Jolie, but still, it's a cute little joke.

Demon Rum Alert™: Lindsay wasted on Red Bull and vodka!

Publication: Star
Date: 2 May 2011

If some supermarket rag is picking on Lindsay Lohan in 2011, it's a pretty good bet it's the Star. They now tell us Lindsay is continuing to get sloshed on Red Bull and vodka, the drink for people who want to do a lot of things they won't remember the next morning. The source is "partying pal" Keith Middlebrook, who can fully expect that he has been removed from LiLo's speed dial.

She Fought The Law Alert™: Lindsay and the necklace.

Publication: Star
Date: 21 March 2011

Most stories about Lindsay Lohan focus on the drug addict and drunk angle, but the Star would remind us that Lindsay is also in the habit of boosting stuff.

No other actual movie star has had as much trouble with the law and actual jail time as Lindsay Lohan, but according to The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, that only makes her about half as interesting as the worst of the Teen Mom "stars".

Reality TV is the tail wagging the gossip dog these days.

They fought the law alert™: Celebrity mug shots for late February 2011

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 28 February 2011

As a subsection of their "Hollywood out of control!" story this week, the Enquirer posts several celebrity mug shots. Among the honored few are:

• Amber Portwood of Teen Mom, pictured above
• Joyce DeWitt, looking like a street person
• Jaime Pressly, also worse for wear
• Lindsay Lohan, looking like she always does
  

She Fought The Law Alert™:Why Lindsay can't stop stealing things.

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 21 February 2011

The celebrities who have run afoul of the law the most recently are Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen, and their names show up in online gossip sources all the time. The supermarket gossip rags have a demographic that skews older, so they have shown much more interest in multiple reality TV show stars and cheating celebrities like Tiger Woods and Jesse James.

The Star puts forward the theory that Lindsay Lohan is a kleptomaniac, which would explain why she can't stop stealing things. The also have the sub-headline "new jail drama", because the latest episode may be treated as a felony. If you Google "lindsay lohan stealing", you'll see there have been reports and/or suspicions of her walking away with other people's stuff at least four times in the past four years.

Love Bird Alert™:Lindsay Lohan and Tom Hardy.

Publication: In Touch

Date: 7 February 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Lindsay Lohan, usually mentioned in the gossip rags for her scrapes with the law and troubles with substances, instead gets a positive story this week. In Touch quotes friends of hers saying she has a new fella.

Welcome to (American) gossip hell, Tom Hardy. The British actor is not a household name in the United States yet, but he did come to the attention of American audiences as Eames the identity forger in the hit movie Inception last summer.