On the rocks alert: Divorce shockers!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 14 March 2011

The Enquirer gives most of their cover space this week to three stories of couples allegedly in marital distress. First off, they say the marriage of reality TV stars Sarah and Todd Palin is in trouble because of a nude photo scandal.

Let me say it: ick.

The Flagship also says that TomKat are going through a bumpy patch.

"Get out!" says somebody to somebody, the Enquirer claims. They also write "Tortured life with Tom erupts".

As regular readers know, TomKat are minor league compared to BrAngelina, but this is the eighteenth appearance for the couple since the beginning of 2010 and the fifth cover story this year, which means they are gaining momentum.

Welcome to gossip hell, James Brolin! Last year, Babs got one mention on a cover for showing off her home to People, but this year the couple gets their first tabloid appearance because of alleged difficulties in their thirteen year marriage. The Enquirer says their story is full of tears, insults and "therapy" secrets.

If the other two stories are true, well, it serves at least one person in each marriage right, but I hope the Enquirer got this one wrong. I hate the thought of Babs making James Brolin cry.

On the rocks alert: FBI probe tearing TomKat apart.

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 28 February 2011

The latest setback to Scientology that is being reported in the legitimate press is about the ongoing FBI probe into the Sea Organization. Kids who are second generation Scientologists sign contracts with the consent of their Scientologist parents to work for the Sea Organization essentially for eternity at ridiculously low wages.

Scientologists consider it a great honor. The FBI thinks it looks more like slavery and kidnapping.

Of course, the Star only cares about this story because it could devastate the marriage of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, what with him being all gung ho and her being new to all this nonsense.

It you want to read a long, well-written piece on Scientology with discussions with people who have recently left the church, this piece in The New Yorker is an excellent place to start.

But if you want to read long well written pieces, what are you doing here?

Bun In The Oven Alert™:Katie Holmes and baby number two

Publication: Weekly Life And Style
Date: 14 February 2011

Two Katie Holmes stories this week. She's had some career setbacks recently and there are differing views on how she's handling this. OK! says she's fighting back, Weekly Life & Style says she's on the mommy track, putting aside her troubles to produce the second Spawn of Cruise.

As usual, there is no confirmation of pregnancy, just another rumor about kinda sorta future plans.

Meanest Story nominee:Katie Holmes' drug shocker!

Publication: Star
Date: 31 January 2011

As I mentioned when I started this blog, there are two couples who are always about to split up according to The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, BrAngelina and TomKat. The working premise is that if things were normal they would separate, so clearly if they are together, things cannot be normal. Star is claiming Katie Holmes is messed up on drugs and that's the reason she can't leave Tom Cruise. There is some irony in this, given how much Scientologists in general and Tom Cruise in particular hate psychotropic drugs.

This gets a Meanest Story nominee.

On the rocks alert:Tom and Katie's unhappy reunion

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 10 January 2011

Late last month, the Star had a story that Katie Holmes was leaving Tom Cruise to return to her family, adding the interesting tidbit that her father is a divorce lawyer. Now, they have to admit the divorce is not currently in the works, that Katie returned home but she isn't happy about it.

Rumors of the breakup of TomKat have been going on for almost as long as rumors of the breakup of BrAngelina, but not reported anywhere near as often. I get the feeling that the gossip rags think Angelina Jolie makes a more interesting villain than does Tom Cruise.