And the camera noses in to the tears on his face: Jaycee stepdad's tearful plea

Publication: Globe
Date: 1 August 2011

Jaycee Dugard's stepdad pleads "Please don't abandon me!"

Because obviously, though he isn't blood kin, he's been through all the pain and trouble in this relationship.

I say "Do what you want, girl. It's your life now."

And the camera noses in to the tears on his face: Jaycee stepdad's tearful plea

Publication: Globe
Date: 1 August 2011

Jaycee Dugard's stepdad pleads "Please don't abandon me!"

Because obviously, though he isn't blood kin, he's been through all the pain and trouble in this relationship.

I say "Do what you want, girl. It's your life now."

And the camera noses in to the tears on his face: Jaycee stepdad's tearful plea

Publication: Globe
Date: 1 August 2011

Jaycee Dugard's stepdad pleads "Please don't abandon me!"

Because obviously, though he isn't blood kin, he's been through all the pain and trouble in this relationship.

I say "Do what you want, girl. It's your life now."

And the camera noses in to the tears on his face: Glen Campbell diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 4 July 2011

The National Enquirer has published a front page story that singer Glen Campbell, 75, has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. They add the detail that he sobbed when he heard the news.

To be honest, if I was in his situation, I'd cry, too.

Campbell actually broke the news in an interview with People, but the Enquirer was the first to put him on the cover.

Best wishes to Mr. Campbell, his friends and family, from a fan.

Meanest Story nominee: Larry Hagman's Alzheimer's Agony

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 28 March 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Larry Hagman! As usual, the low rent Examiner thinks its target demographic want to hear bad news about people who were famous back before I graduated high school, and for the record, I'm old!

Hagman had health issues due to liver disease back in the 1990s, but there hasn't been a lot of news about him since then. The low rent Examiner says he has Alzheimer's Disease, which does not count as a Brave Last Days alert, but for me, that would be the worst diagnosis possible, so this gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.

Best wishes to Mr. Hagman, his family and friends, from a fan of I Dream of Jeannie.

And the camera noses in to the tears on their faces: Stories focusing on Charlie Sheen's twin toddlers

Publications: People, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 21 March 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! It's easy to think of Charlie Sheen as a human train wreck who deserves all the trouble now coming his way, but two different supermarket rags finally bring up a salient fact that turns makes this comedy feel more like a tragedy.

Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller are the proud parents of twin boys who are now two years old. One or both of them will get custody. Right now, Mueller has sole custody, but that only happened recently.

Here's People's take on the story this week.

• Kids caught in chaos
• Sippy cups, porn stars and threats
  
• The upside-down world of the toddlers trapped in Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller's ugly custody war

Weekly Life & Style also uses most of the cover with a reminder that there are tiny tots involved in this horrible nonsense.

• Exclusive Interview: Charlie Sheen admits "I'm losing my mind".
• After Charlie loses his job and his kids, friends fear he's suicidal.
• He tells WL&S "My lawyer wants to take the bullets out of my gun."

Here's a sentence I don't type that often.

Whatever Sheen is paying that lawyer, it's not enough.

Meanest Story nominee: Robert Redford's baby's crib death.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 28 February 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Robert Redford! The publicity shy actor/director talked to AARP magazine last month and now the low rent Examiner rehashes the most painful part of his story.

Way back in 1959, Redford and his wife lost a baby to sudden infant crib death. Of course, it was a horrible experience, made more horrible by the fact that the diagnosis didn't exist back then, leaving Redford and his wife with the sad conviction that it was their fault. Even though the story checks out completely, this gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.

Best wishes to Robert Redford, his family and friends, from a fan.

And the camera noses in to the tears on his face:Regis quitting over pay cut!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 14 February 2011

Last week, the Globe said Regis Philbin was quitting because he was dying. Readers voted this the Meanest Story of the Week in a landslide.

This week, the low rent Examiner says he's quitting because he was offered a pay cut. It's still a mean story, but after last week, it can't possibly Meanest Story of the Week now.

And the camera noses in to the tears on his face:Maksim's Bullying Nightmare

Publication: In Touch
Date: 15 November 2010

Now that anti-bullying stories are hot, Maksim Chmerkovskiy, the Ukrainian born professional dancer featured on Dancing With The Stars, tells of his experience of being bullied when he was young because he was a dancer.

And the camera noses in to the tears on his face:Tiger's tears

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 6 September 2010

Here's something predictable. If both the Enquirer and People are going to cover the same story, the Gold Standard will try to be as nice as possible and the Flagship will try to put as bad a connotation on it as possible. This week, People has the exclusive with Elin Nordegren about how she's getting on with her life, while the Enquirer focuses on Tiger coming to grips with the realities of being a divorced dad who won't be as involved in his kid's lives as much as he would like to be.

Moral of the story: even if you are making lots and lots of money, being a man slut is very expensive indeed.

And the camera noses in to the tears on his face:Warren Beatty's daughter's sex change shocker!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 28 June 2010

There was a time when Warren Beatty was a dream come true for the gossip business. From the late 1950s to the early 1990s, he was Hollywood's all-star Lothario. Now, he makes it back onto the front page because his daughter wants a sex change operation.

If she's hoping to follow in her father's footsteps, she's got to know it isn't as easy as it looks.

Because commenter #1 Karen Zipdrive asked nicely, here's a picture of Warren's kid with Annette Bening.

And the camera noses in to the tears on his face:Warren Beatty's daughter's sex change shocker!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 28 June 2010

There was a time when Warren Beatty was a dream come true for the gossip business. From the late 1950s to the early 1990s, he was Hollywood's all-star Lothario. Now, he makes it back onto the front page because his daughter wants a sex change operation.

If she's hoping to follow in her father's footsteps, she's got to know it isn't as easy as it looks.

Because commenter #1 Karen Zipdrive asked nicely, here's a picture of Warren's kid with Annette Bening.

And the camera noses in to the tears on his face:Tom Hanks mom gave him away!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 21 June 2010

Usually, the Only Ten Magazines That Matter give us a steady diet of stories about the same people, week in and week out. There are some actual movie stars like Sandra Bullock, Tom Cruise and BrAngelina who are part of the regular line-up, but a lot of the folks who make multiple appearances are D-List reality TV stars. So it comes as a bit of a surprise that the Examiner decides to put a real A-List movie star on the cover, Tom Hanks.

Did his mom give him away? Well, yes and no. Tom is the child of a divorce and he went to live with his dad.

And the camera noses in to the tears on his face:Tom Hanks mom gave him away!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 21 June 2010

Usually, the Only Ten Magazines That Matter give us a steady diet of stories about the same people, week in and week out. There are some actual movie stars like Sandra Bullock, Tom Cruise and BrAngelina who are part of the regular line-up, but a lot of the folks who make multiple appearances are D-List reality TV stars. So it comes as a bit of a surprise that the Examiner decides to put a real A-List movie star on the cover, Tom Hanks.

Did his mom give him away? Well, yes and no. Tom is the child of a divorce and he went to live with his dad.

Disaster Alert:Kenny Chesney loses Nashville home.

Publication: Globe
Date: 24 May 2010

While I am not a big fan of the Globe or country and western music, the tabloid does us a service reminding the public that Nashville, Tennessee recently experienced a horrible flood and many people lost their homes, including country star Kenny Chesney. Mr. Chesney is almost never photographed without a hat, even when he is about to have a little quiet time in his very large bed with his favorite guitar.

Disaster Alert:Kenny Chesney loses Nashville home.

Publication: Globe
Date: 24 May 2010

While I am not a big fan of the Globe or country and western music, the tabloid does us a service reminding the public that Nashville, Tennessee recently experienced a horrible flood and many people lost their homes, including country star Kenny Chesney. Mr. Chesney is almost never photographed without a hat, even when he is about to have a little quiet time in his very large bed with his favorite guitar.

Late to the Party alert:Dixie Carter

Publications: People, National Enquirer

Date: 26 Apr. 2010

Here's the difference between the Gold Standard and the Flagship.

People has a simple headline "Farewell Dixie Carter".

The National Enquirer goes with Hal Holbrook quoted as saying "She was the love of my life."

Did you remember Mr. Holbrook asking for his privacy at this difficult time? I did, but obviously the Flagship thought he was talking to somebody else.

If Mr. Holbrook should stumble upon this blog, I'm sorry I reprinted this trash, but it's kind of the reason I have this blog going. Best wishes to Mr. Holbrook, from a fan of his work and a fan of his wife's work as well.

And the camera noses in to the tears on his face:John Walsh's kidnapped son is alive! (Or not.)

Publication: Globe

Date: 19 Apr. 2010

If there was a competition for the tabloid I am able to quote the least often, the winner hands down is the Sun. I have no useful stories from the cover of the Sun this week, and even their sub-publication, my beloved Weekly World News, re-hashes the "Satan's face seen in dust cloud" story they have used for decades.

If I were choosing instead the tabloid I most openly dislike, the Globe is the sleaziest, with the Examiner running a close second. The headline this week screams NEW BOMBSHELL EVIDENCE! JOHN WALSH KIDNAP SON ALIVE! (Just like Jaycee Dugard!)

Even the teaser paragraph on their website tells a different story, and uses the words "might be" and "could be" due to problems with the original investigation.

For my money, sloppy and dishonest journalism doesn't get any sloppier or more dishonest than this.

And the camera noses in to the tears on his face:William wants to re-open the inquiry into his mother's death

Publication: National Examiner

Date: 12 Apr. 2010

According to the National Examiner, one of the two American tabloids that give a rat's ass about the British royalty, Prince William has information that the driver of the car his mother died in was not drunk on the evening in question and he wants another panel to investigate.

I'd like to say this story isn't going away, but I get the feeling it really is. In any case, if there are villains who've gotten away with murder, William might not want to dig too deep to find them, because he's probably shared a Christmas dinner or twenty with them.