Least interesting cover story of the week: Maci betrayed by Ryan's nude scandal

Publication: OK!
Date: 8 August 2011

It's always a treat when there is no Teen Mom story on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, which was the case last week. This week is almost as good, since there is only one story and it has no artwork associated, a headline about Maci and Ryan and some nude scandal, though it sounds like he's nekkid instead of her, which is slightly unusual in these cases.

I feel about Teen Mom the way Jan Brady felt about Marcia.

Publications: In Touch, OK!
Date: 25 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Teen Mom nonsense abides. I report with no further comment.

• OK!: Maci & Kyle Split: She's still in loved with Ryan
• In Touch: Teen Mom dating disasters!
  In love with cheaters, druggies and a killer!
  Leah: Since Corey left, she's hooking up with three different guys!
  Farrah: Can't stop crying over new violent bad boy
  Maci: Wedding on hold! Why her ex Ryan is to blame
  
  

Let's get the Teen Mom crap out of the way. Because there's a boat load this week.

Publications: In Touch, OK!, Us Weekly
Date: 18 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! If you have been to this blog before, you know how I feel about Teen Mom. It would be nearly impossible for me to be clearer, though I will take a shot at the end of this post. But at the beginning of the year, I promised that any story on the cover of any magazine that mentioned someone or made a verifiable (or falsifiable) prediction would get a mention on this blog.

About the only thing I leave out are health tips and horoscopes on the cover of the Sun.

So here are the headlines, three on the different mags and with three different Teen Moms in focus.

• In Touch: Teen Mom ruined our lives (pictures of Farrah Abraham and Maci Bookout)
  anorexia, addiction and abuse
  living on cigarettes and popcorn to lose weight
  downing pills to mask the pain
  "bribed" to stay on the show
• Us Weekly: I want Kyle's Baby (Maci Bookout)
• OK!: Leah: a new man and a new child

I know I shouldn't harp on this stuff or I will just give myself an aneurysm, but the "bribe" to stay on the show is that these stupid girls - and they are still girls - are being paid the princely sum of $280,000 a season to have their stupid lives turned into fish bowls.

That's an obscene amount of money to pay some little bimbo for the mistake of having a baby before she graduates high school. (And yes, Bristol Palin gets included in this tirade as well, even though MTV isn't paying her.) No defense MTV makes for this show carries a milligram of weight, and the gossip rags that keep printing this shit are equally as guilty.

In a world that makes sense, people wouldn't watch this crap and magazines wouldn't write about it.

Getting the inevitable Teen Mom stuff out of the way yet again.

Publication: OK!
Date: 27 June 2011

Teen Mom, or as i like to call it, The Plague That Did Not Pass Over, gets more ink on the cover of OK! this week. Here are the headlines.

• Maci: I'm finally a bride
  Excited Maci exclaims, "This is the happiest day of my life!"
  Leah gets custody of the twins

Bells are Ringing Alert™: Teen Mom Laci plans to elope.

Publication: OK!
Date: 20 June 2011

Another story from the Teen Mom locust swarm, this one saying Maci Bookout will elope.

This is the second most popular reality TV show among The Only Ten Magazines That Matter this year, with only Dancing With The Stars, currently between seasons, getting more weeks of exposure. The good news, if I can call it that, is that the show is mainly being followed by two magazines, OK! and In Touch. In the unlikely event of the editors at those two magazines losing interest in this crap, this plague might finally pass over.

Getting the inevitable Teen Mom stuff out of the way.

Publication: OK!
Date: 13 June 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The two worst offenders when it comes to cover stories about the awful young women on Teen Mom are OK! and In Touch. This week it's the former, with the headline "new feuds, babies and a bride" and pictures of Maci Bookout, Amber Portwood and Farrah Abraham.

It continues to be the plague that did not pass over.

Again with the Teen Mom crap. Like a baby's diaper, it's never over.

Publications: OK!, Us Weekly, In Touch
Date: 2 May 2011

Some day, the long national nightmare that is MTV's Teen Mom will end.

Today is not that day.

Here are the headlines.

• OK!: Leah & Corey: Fight for the twins
  The explosive secrets that will decide custody
  Leah catches Corey in the act
  Out-of-control partying
  The attack she just can't forgive
  Kailyn Maci Catelynn: Three Teen Mom weddings
• In Touch: Corey hits Leah! Now, terrified, she demands full custody
  Jenelle abandons Jace to bail out her drug addict boyfriend
• Us Weekly: Corey's betrayal
  
  

Did I ever say how much I hate the concept and execution of this show? I think I did.

All the entirely too much Teen Mom dish for 25 April.

Publications: In Touch, Weekly Life & Style, OK!
Date: 25 April 2011

As should be clear by now, there is no cure for Teen Mom. It is a sexually transmitted disease like herpes or HIV and there's nothing we can do about it. Here are the three supermarket rag headlines about these awful people and their awful problems.

• OK!: Leah dumped by Corey and he's taking the twins
  A fight of money and a bigger house was the final straw - now he's filing for divorce
• In Touch: Leah splits with Corey! Catches him taking the money for Ali's medical bills to buy a new truck!
  Maci's getting married (some guy named Kyle)
• Weekly Life & Style: Teen Mom Jenelle: Baby # 2 for fame
  

All the Teen Mom dish for 11 April.

Publications: Star, OK!, In Touch
Date: 11 April 2011

There are a lot of reality shows on a lot of channels, but there are only a handful that the supermarket rags cannot leave alone: The Kardashians, Kendra, Dancing With The Stars, The Bachelor and Teen Mom. There is an occasional mention of American False Idol, and a scattershot of Real Housewives, but the five mentioned above are the ones that show up regularly, week in and week out. This week, there are three stories about the Teen Mom cast, and I post all of them here.

• OK!: Teen Mom catfights and drama
• In Touch: Teen moms addicted to surgery - implants, lipo and nose jobs!
  How Jenelle, Leah and Maci are falling victim to the pressures of fame
  Plus: Amber's $50,000 nip/tuck
• Star: Teen Mom brawl Jenelle and Brittany
  punching, scratching, biting

Obligatory Teen Mom post for 4 April 2011.

Publications: OK!, Us Weekly
Date: 4 April 2011

Two different stories on two covers about two Teen Moms this week, but I'm only going to give one post about it.

• OK!: Teen Mom Maci and Gary hook up
• Us Weekly: Leah and Corey's wedding
  The couple opens up about their fear of marrying too young and how they know they will make it.

This blog has a pro-love policy, but for this show, I'm willing to make an exception. I have no stake or interest in the happiness of these people at all.

Enboobening Alert™:Teen Mom Maci gets an upgrade.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 14 February 2011

Most of the young women on Teen Mom look like life has already beaten them, but Maci Bookout at least tries to be a little glamorous. The latest story is that she's left her wild partying days behind, but is entering the new, more sober phase of her life with larger boobs.

I see no way this clever plan can possibly fail.