On the Rocks Alert:Courteney Cox is a skanky ho

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 31 May 2010

In February, Star told us Courteney Cox Arquette had a bun in the oven. Now, in May, they tell us she's a skanky ho cheating with her co-star Brian Van Holt.

Here's the count of supermarket rags other than the Star who think the public gives a rat's rear end about the private life of Courteney Cox Arquette.

Zero.

On the Rocks Alert:Courteney Cox is a skanky ho

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 31 May 2010

In February, Star told us Courteney Cox Arquette had a bun in the oven. Now, in May, they tell us she's a skanky ho cheating with her co-star Brian Van Holt.

Here's the count of supermarket rags other than the Star who think the public gives a rat's rear end about the private life of Courteney Cox Arquette.

Zero.

She Fought The Law Alert™:Lindsay Lohan arrest warrant issued

Publication: Associated Press

Date: 20 May 2010

The supermarket rags do not give a fig about Lindsay Lohan. She showed up once this year in a story in the National Enquirer about celebrities that are too fat or too skinny. She's too skinny.

She is also one freaking hot mess.

There are other drunken starlets and socialites, but most of them have kept themselves out of the spotlight this year. Lindsay is a favorite of online gossip, but the Only Ten Magazines That Matter have decided their readers don't know who she is.

They've done plenty of demographic research. They are probably right. Leave it to the sources where people under 40 get their news.

She Fought The Law Alert™:Lindsay Lohan arrest warrant issued

Publication: Associated Press

Date: 20 May 2010

The supermarket rags do not give a fig about Lindsay Lohan. She showed up once this year in a story in the National Enquirer about celebrities that are too fat or too skinny. She's too skinny.

She is also one freaking hot mess.

There are other drunken starlets and socialites, but most of them have kept themselves out of the spotlight this year. Lindsay is a favorite of online gossip, but the Only Ten Magazines That Matter have decided their readers don't know who she is.

They've done plenty of demographic research. They are probably right. Leave it to the sources where people under 40 get their news.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Kate Hudson and Cameron Diaz

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 25 May 2010

There have been a lot of "feuds" recently between people who barely know each other, but this one has a closer connection, and that connection is man slut Alex Rodriguez's penis.

A-Rod was dating Kate Hudson, but her breasts weren't big enough. He then dated Cameron Diaz, whose breast apparently ARE big enough.

Ms. Hudson has since had plastic surgery. She and Ms. Diaz are not on each others' Christmas card list. No one can blame them.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Kate Hudson and Cameron Diaz

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 25 May 2010

There have been a lot of "feuds" recently between people who barely know each other, but this one has a closer connection, and that connection is man slut Alex Rodriguez's penis.

A-Rod was dating Kate Hudson, but her breasts weren't big enough. He then dated Cameron Diaz, whose breast apparently ARE big enough.

Ms. Hudson has since had plastic surgery. She and Ms. Diaz are not on each others' Christmas card list. No one can blame them.