Buns in the oven alert™: More babies for reality TV moms.

Publication: OK!
Date: 18 July 2011

Welcome back to gossip hell, Kourtney Kardashian! Kim has been the vast majority of Kardashian cover stories in the supermarket rags since she announced her wedding plans, but this week OK! tells us Kourtney is pregnant before her wedding with her second child.

This rumor has been floated many times. We'll see if this one pans out sometime in 2012.

OK! also says Kendra Wilkinson is pregnant with a girl. OK! is the nicest of the gossip rags, but they are not the most reliable.

Damn You Skinny Alert™:Kendra says "I'm scared of gaining weight"

Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 6 June 2011

Kendra Wilkinson has something like an epiphany and is quoted as saying "I'm scared of gaining weight". It may have finally dawned on her she has no talent and if she doesn't look good naked, the gravy train of reality TV will no longer be available to her.

Backstage gossip from Dancing With The Stars.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 2 May 2011

Last season, there were a boatload of Dancing With The Stars stories on the covers of the gossip rags, but it's been a little quiet this season so far. Here are the headlines from the story in Us Weekly.

• DWTS Meltdowns! Hookups! Feuds!
• Kendra - backstage tears
• Kirstie - control freak
• Chelsea - Dating LC's ex

The main characters that have been the targets of gossip have been Kendra and Kirstie, but a new name gets added this week, DisneyTeen™ Chelsea Kane. For people over the age of 25 (and for those under that age who actually have lives), LC is short for Lauren Conrad, a reality TV star.

You're welcome.

On the rocks alert: Kendra's big lie to Hank!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 25 April 2011

There's not much good I can say about the Enquirer except that they leave reality TV alone for the most part. For example, the Enquirer has only had one Teen Mom reference in nearly four months, and that was a grab bag story about celebrity mugshots.

Their one main exception is Dancing With The Stars, where they obviously have a source. Without that, I doubt they would have a story about Kendra Wilkinson.

On the rocks alert: Hank caught with another woman!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 18 April 2011

The usual story of trouble between Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett involves Kendra being a flake or another sex tape of hers making the rounds, but this week the marital trouble comes from a different source, Hank allegedly not keeping it in his pants.

Welcome to gossip hell, Jessica Hall! This nice piece of walking scenery is one of the bimbos on Deal or No Deal and she is the alleged other woman. Here are the headlines.

• Caught with sexy playmate Jessica Hall
• making out in a Vegas club
• Humiliated Kendra leaves Hank!

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Dancing With The Stars beach bodies

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 18 April 2011

The Flagship has another cover story featuring women who look like they are being photographed through telephoto lenses, but this week the women actually don't look awful. They have three women from the current season of Dancing With The Stars, stars Kendra Wilkinson and Wendy Williams and dancer Cheryl Burke, shown above. Scanning across the Internets, some people say that this is what she looks like when she's out of shape.

Still looks pretty good to me.

I count this as the first positive story on the cover of the Enquirer since late January.

Annoying label bookkeeping #7

This is a link to the story below, made necessary by the number of labels.

Dancing With the Stars is rigged this season. Again.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 4 April 2011

Last season, the low rent Examiner printed a story about everyone's favorite open secret. They said Dancing With The Stars was fixed just because some fat 20 year old girl kept coming back every week when better dancers were sent home.

This season, it's The Flagship that's starting with the rumors early, saying that the winner will either be Kirstie Alley or Kendra Wilkinson.

I don't have a TV and have no intention of watching online, but I will point out that Kirstie and Kendra are the only stars on the show this season who have been mentioned in the tabloids at all in the past year.

Meanest Story nominee: Celebrity B.O.!

Publication: Star
Date: 4 April 2011

Star has one of those scattershot stories that hits about a jillion celebrities with gossip from their stylists. I've split out one set of three pictures as a separate post with news you can use.

What celebrities stink?

I mean literally.

Kendra Wilkinson is stinky.

Uma Thurman is stinkier.

And Mel Gibson is stinkiest.

This gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.

On the rocks alert: Kendra & Hank torn apart by jealousy.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 28 March 2011

So far this year, there is only one supermarket rag that wants us to know that Kendra and Hank are through, and that's In Touch. Last year, a lot of the gossip mags were speculating about their marriage, but she's getting more solo stories this year about weight loss and the always optimistic OK! says she's preggers.

This is the only Kendra story this week.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: How Kendra lost 10 lbs. in two weeks. Like for the jillionth time, except this one is EXCLUSIVE!

Publication: OK!
Date: 7 March 2011

Kendra has lost 10 pounds yet again in two weeks.
These last ten pounds are EXCLUSIVE in OK!, so maybe they didn't really happen at all.

According to the gossip rags, she has lost a total of 35 pounds in 2011 alone. At this rate, we might get lucky and she'll lose those stubborn last 120 pounds and vanish from our plane of existence.

But we are probably not that lucky.

On the rocks alert: Kendra tells Hank "It's Over!"

Publication: In Touch
Date: 28 February 2011

Kendra Wilkinson is my least favorite celebrity who shows up all the time on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter. For her, it's usually covers on OK!, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly and In Touch, with an occasional cover story in the Star.

This year, it's In Touch that is going with the story that her marriage to pro football player Hank Baskett is over. The sub-headlines this week are:

• After sleeping in separate beds, they go on an emotional make-or-break trip.
• Kendra finally admits, "I'm tired of pretending."

All things must pass, and eventually she will not have a reality TV show anymore and the gossip rags will stop caring.

This means I have something to look forward to.

Bun In The Oven Alert™:Hank and Kendra having a baby

Publication: OK!
Date: 21 February 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! But whenever it's about Kendra Wilkinson, it seems a little stale.

She's always supposed to be an inch away from dumping her husband Hank Baskett, but OK! tells us they are actually ever so happy and going to have baby #2. Their love is stronger than ever, little Hank Jr. will be the best big brother ever, and there are private photos of them inside the magazine, though I think Kendra has a serious difficulty defining the word "private", and not just because she's stone stupid.

And as is often the case with OK!, the story is just made up garbage. She is not actually pregnant, and God only knows if she really wants to be again and if she does feel that way, how she will feel tomorrow.

Damn You Skinny (or Fat) Alert™:Kendra loses 10 lbs. in 10 days YET AGAIN.

Publication: OK!
Date: 7 February 2011

There are some celebrity stories in which I have no interest, like Real Housewives, and some that I actively detest, like Teen Mom. But if I were to choose a celebrity story that has finally bored me to tears, it would be Kendra Wilkinson. Nothing this woman does is interesting. The stories blur into each other and I have a hard time telling if there is any new information in a story, let alone whether that information is true.

This week, OK! tells us Kendra lost 10 pounds in 10 days. She did the same thing last March.

I'm starting to think she never loses weight, she just misplaces it.

Damn You Skinny Alert™:Diet winners!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 24 January 2011

I can only imagine The Only Ten Magazines That Matter think the potential readers standing in the supermarket checkout stands need encouragement with their post-holiday diets, so they have pictures of women who have absolutely nothing better to do than exercise and diet obsessively so people will take pictures of them wearing exceedingly little clothing.

One of their diet winners is Kim Kardashian, who allegedly lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks.

In reality, Kim is a tiny little thing, though she looks much larger is you stare directly between her breasts. It would be really hard to hide ten extra pounds in the clothes she wears.



Kendra allegedly has a plan to bust belly fat. From what I understand, diet doesn't do that, though some exercise regimens can help.


And Bethenny Frankel is touting an "eat everything diet".

As usual, I didn't open the magazine, but if Bethenny Frankel "eats everything", it's a safe bet her diet plan is to "then throw up most of it."

Meanest Story nominee:Kendra calls it quits.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 17 January 2011

In Touch fills most of the cover with a story that Kendra Wilkinson is meeting with a divorce lawyer behind hubby Hank Baskett's back, and promise an inside look at the battle for the baby and her millions.

It's not a pretty story, but according to all parties, it's also not a true story, so it get the nod as a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Damn You Skinny Alert™:Stars lose weight (and you should,too.)

Publication: OK!
Date: 10 January 2011

The tabloids know the holidays are over and a lot of the readers in line at the supermarkets are thinking about how to lose the pounds. And who could be more inspiring to dieters than women with no jobs other than to look good?

According to OK!, Kourtney lost 45 pounds.

And Kendra lost 15 pounds.

And now, Bachelorette Ali has her flattest abs ever.

To be all mathematically precise, her abs aren't really flat, but more bumpy.

But bumpy in a good way.

Damn You Skinny (or Fat) Alert™:Best and worst winter beach bodies YET AGAIN.

Publication: Star
Date: 3 January 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Last trash of the week...right now!

So now it has been established. Beach body season runs from January 1 to December 31 in the gossip rags. We could blame Sports Illustrated for this, since their famous swimsuit issue comes out like clockwork in the dead of winter in February every year. But that decision makes sense in terms of the sports calendar, to get an issue with good sales in that bleak season between the end of the Super Bowl and the beginning of March Madness.

The gossip rags have no such logical reason for all the beach body issues, other than the tried and true reason "Girls in bikinis sell magazinis."


Here is the list of the ladies they like.

• Kim Kardashian
• Jennifer Aniston
• Kendra Wilkinson
• Chelsea Clinton

One of these women is not like the others.


Here is the list of the ladies they don't like.

• Julia Roberts doesn't look great from behind
• Tara Reid is scary skinny
• Snooki from Jersey Shore can't afford to put an extra ounce on her tiny frame
• Margaret Cho has too much ink.

Most Dishonest Story of the Week:Kendra loses her baby!

Publication: OK!
Date: 20 December 2010

My dislike of OK! is starting to turn into hatred. The big blaring headline is that KENDRA LOSES HER BABY! Well, it's not true. The baby isn't dead, thank God, and she hasn't lost custody. She and her husband are living apart because she has to do her stupid reality TV show and now the boy will live with her dad, probably because someone with a lick of sense realizes she is not the most responsible person in the world.

In general, OK! prints a higher percentage of positive stories than any other supermarket rag, but the headline writers lie like dogs every bit as much as their counterparts at The Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids. It's really disgusting and I wish they would stop.

Kendra's first year as a mom.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 20 December 2010

The target demographic of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter should hate Angelina Jolie more than they hate Osama Bin Laden. Personally, the star of the supermarket rag covers that gets on my nerves the most is Kendra Wilkinson. This story isn't that irritating, unlike the story just above this, it's just part of the ridiculous saturation bombing.