Rich people are rich: Inside Sandra's $23 million mansion.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 13 June 2011

Sandra Bullock, like BrAngelina or Jennifer Aniston, doesn't actually have to do anything newsworthy or ever gossip-worthy to get on the cover of a magazine. This week, Weekly Life & Style gives us a tour of her very expensive house.

I imagine it's nice.

Bundle of Joy Alert?: Sandra adopting again.

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 30 May 2011

Star is going with the story that Sandra Bullock is adopting again and will have a second child in the house by the end of summer. Bullock's reps deny it. The best Star can do is say Sandy was really good at keeping it secret last time, but I don't recall her having to deny a story in the press.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Jesse's latest twisted insult.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 23 May 2011

I had some hope that Jesse James would slink out of the Top Ten celebrities in the tabloids, but he keeps getting the occasional mention. Now it's Us Weekly that is reporting on some new stupid way he's decided to insult the only woman he's ever been with that might keep his kids from being complete douche bags when they grow up.

This is the first time I've given Jesse and Sandy a Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™, though she has fussed and feuded with his ex. It's certainly not On The Rocks anymore.

Love Bird Alert™: Sandra's new man.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 23 May 2011

Since she is not wearing a wedding ring, Sandra Bullock's love life is still an important topic to the gossip rags. Weekly Life & Style says she has a new fella on the cover of this week's mag, but doesn't name him or provide a picture.

This usually means he isn't nearly as famous as she is.

On the rocks alert: Sandra betrayed again.

Publication: Star
Date: 9 May 2011

Once again, Jesse James is back on the cover of a supermarket rag and he blames Sandra Bullock for the fact he can't keep his penis in his pants. Pretty much the exact same story won Meanest Story of the Week way back in August of last year.

I didn't even think about nominating it for Meanest Story this week because it is such old news. Jesse is fading from the spotlight and the faster that happens, the better.

What's wrong with Sandra Bullock's face?

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 11 April 2011

Sandra Bullock makes an appearance on the cover of the National Enquirer, so you can bet it isn't good news. A telephoto shot of her recently showed this lump on her jaw below her ear. It could be from clenching muscles or it could be the result of a dental procedure. I'm guessing it isn't permanent.

On the rocks alert: Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper officially split.

Publications: People, Star, In Touch, Us Weekly
Date: 4 April 2011

Last week, Star scooped the rest of the supermarket rags by telling us Bradley Cooper and Renee Zellweger were through. This week, it's on four covers, including the usually reliable People. Here are the different headlines.

• People: Renee and Bradley: Inside their split
• In Touch: Bradley and Renee: why he dumped her
• Us Weekly: What drove Renee and Bradley Apart
• Star: Renee & Bradley behind the break-up
  Why Renee ran to Sandra (Bullock)

Star gives more cover details than the others, but one of their details contradicts a plot line from last week. Allegedly, Bradley was tomcatting around according to Star, and one of his alleged trysts was Sandra Bullock. Now, it sounds like she was being a friend and go-between instead of a homewrecker.

On the rocks alert: Renee Betrayed by Bradley

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 28 March 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! There is a lot of fallout from the confirmed break-up of Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel this week, and this story is the detritus farthest from the scene of the crime. Star has pictures of Bradley Cooper with two different actresses out in public, which obviously means they are shagging like wild weasels either just prior to or just after the public photos are snapped. Cooper is seen with Jessica Biel in a picture that looks real dated February 26 with the caption "caught cuddling", though it just looks like a Hollywood "hello" hug. There is also a picture that could be photoshopped with Sandra Bullock dated March 5 captioned "sneaking out".

I am not giving Mr. Cooper the man slut label because the evidence is just too skimpy.

UPDATE: Since the break-up of Bradley Cooper and Renee Zellweger is all over the place on the supermarket rag covers the week after this story, this gets a belated Scoop of the Week label.

Meanest Story nominee: Sandra Bullock lesbian shocker!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 21 March 2011

There have been over eighty stories on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter about Sandra Bullock in the past fifteen months, but this is the first that implies she is lesbian. Roaming around the net, this allegation comes from the tell-all book her unnamed useless ex-husband is about to release.

Sandra did kiss Scarlett Johansson at an MTV award show, but that was the kind of silly fake lesbian "humor" MTV award shows love to feature, hoping to get some buzz.

This is a Meanest Story nominee.

Annoying label bookkeeping #4

Because of too many labels, this post is a link to the post above.

Pining away alert: Sandra wants Ryan Gosling back.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 14 March 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! I thought Sandra Bullock might fade away as a story in 2011, but she's single and the gossip rags love to speculate about the love lives of single female celebrities. The latest rumor to be floated is that she wants Ryan Gosling back. I was completely unaware they were ever considered a couple, but there are pictures floating around the Internets of them together when they did publicity for the 2002 Murder by Numbers.

Gosling is 30 and Bullock is 46, so if they were a couple nine years ago, she would have been a serious cradle robber. Gosling was romantically linked to Blake Lively earlier this year in the supermarket rags, but newer online gossip says he's dating Olivia Wilde.

More drama with Sandra and Jesse

Publications: Star, In Touch
Date: 7 March 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Sort of.

The gossip rags cannot let go of Sandra Bullock and the bum she dumped, Jesse James. There are two headlines this week.

Star: Jesse spills Sandra's secrets in bombshell new tell-all book
In Touch: Sandra and Jesse fight over the kids

No Love Bird Alert™: Sandra Bullock rebuffs John Mayer

Publication: In Touch
Date: 28 February 2011

Though I read the covers of the gossip rags every week, it's still some mystery how celebrities meet other than working together on projects. Allegedly, mouthy man slut John Mayer is of the opinion his reputation needs mending (all too true) and he decided dating Sandra Bullock would do the trick, but she nixed the possible hookup before it happened.

Both sides deny the story, but of course it's designed for plausible deniability from the very start, isn't it?

On the rocks alert:More alleged drama between Sandy and Jesse

Publications: In Touch, Star, Us Weekly
Date: 7 February 2011

The Only Ten Magazines That Matter are loath to give up the story of Sandra Bullock and Jesse James, even after Sandy made a very clear and clean break back early last summer. But Jesse is planning to tie the knot and this is supposed to be an affront to Sandy's womanhood. Here are the headlines.

• Star: Jesse's final insult and Sandra's revenge
• In Touch: Sandra taunted by Jesse
• Us Weekly: Sandra stabbed in the heart!
  How she found out
  More lies are exposed and Sandra's cheater brags about his bride to be
  How she's coping and the photos he didn't want you to see

None of the stories name Jesse's bride-to-be by name, so I'll leave her out of this as well.

On the rocks alert: Ryan, Sandra and Scarlett, three different versions

(photo montage from celebezine.com)
Publications: Star, In Touch, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 31 January 2011

So this is still the hot story of the beginning of 2011, the triangle between Scarlett, Ryan and Sandra. There are three different stories on the covers of three different magazines and they barely agree at all.

• Star: The Bitter Showdown! Scarlett confronts Sandra over Ryan
• In Touch: Ryan wants Scarlett back
• Weekly Life & Style: Sandra puts baby over romance. Is she afraid to love again?
  Plus, inside her meeting with Scarlett

As I have often written, when the tabloids disagree this much, it's hard to tell who is telling the truth, but it's a sure thing the story isn't over.

On the rocks AND Love Bird Alert™:Ryan's side of the story

Publications: In Touch, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly
Date: 24 January 2011

I thought there was a good chance that Sandra Bullock, the number one cover girl of 2010 on The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, might fade back out of the gossip spotlight this year after she dumped Jesse James, but that does not appear to be the case. She and Ryan Reynolds get three headlines ignoring Scarlett Johannson this week, though another player, Sandy's adopted son Louis Bardo Bullock, becomes part of the story.

• In Touch: Ryan & Sandra's romantic getaway
• Weekly Life & Style: Ryan meets Sandra's baby
• Us Weekly: Ryan and Sandra bonding over baby

I am still not convinced that the Reynolds-Bullock relationship is romantic, though it might become so in time. The only part of this story I buy 100% is that Ryan Reynolds is a Right Thinking American, though technically born in Canada, because all Right Thinking Americans must love Louis Bardo Bullock.

On the rocks alert:Scarlett's side of the story

Publications: National Enquirer, OK!
Date: 24 January 2011

In an odd coincidence, Scarlett Johansson's side of the big break-up of the season is on the covers of both the nicest supermarket rag and the meanest. If you don't know which is which, the difference in the headlines should give a big hint.

• OK!: How Scarlett found out about Sandra
• National Enquirer: Scarlett to Sandra: "You're a Man Hungry Tramp!"
  Battle over Ryan gets ugly!

Did you notice the subtle difference, gentle reader? Yes, I thought you might.

And a little bit of editorializing on my part. Since I took out The Big Ugly Stick on Victoria Beckham yesterday, let me say something nice about Scarlett Johansson today, bringing out the gentlemanly aspect of my Dirty Old Manhood. She is not the prettiest actress working today. Feature for feature, she isn't Halle Berry or Angelina Jolie, to give two examples. But when the camera is on her and she is told to "act sexy", nobody in Hollywood can keep up with her.

Love Bird Alert™:Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds spend New Year's Eve together

Publications: OK!, Star, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly, In Touch
Date: 17 January 2011

The most covered story this week is that Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock spent New Year's Eve together. They insist they are just friends, but the gossip rags are insisting otherwise. Here are the headlines on the five magazines that devoted cover space to the story.

• Weekly Life & Style: Sandra and Ryan: It's on!
• In Touch: Ryan & Sandra's secret date
• Star: Sandra and Ryan's revenge romance
• OK!: Sandra and Ryan: Yes, they're together! (After an emotional year, Sandra turns to Ryan for and intimate New Year's Eve)
• Us Weekly: Sandra and Ryan: It's on! (details of their sexy weekend, bonded over bad break-ups, friends say they are perfect together)

I'm still skeptical of the story despite the deluge of gossip, but I did go back and give Star a Scoop of the Week for being the first to report on it about a week ago.

Love Bird Alert™:Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds address the rumors

Publication: OK!
Date: 10 January 2011

Last week, Star magazine published a story that said Ryan and Sandy have been dating for months. This week, OK! tells us they answer the rumors. More likely, their representatives answer the rumors.

OK! is not the most reliable gossip rag, but I definitely give it more weight than the Star, the best groomed dog in the AMI kennel, but a dog nonetheless.

Hairdresser and Comfy Shoe Alert:Who's gay and who's not for January 2011.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 10 January 2011

Once again, The Flagship wants to tell you who is gay and who isn't. Several of the women mentioned have kissed other women on the lips onstage, which obviously has the Enquirer readers in a tizzy, and several of the men have dressed in drag. Here is the list.

• Sandra Bullock
• Scarlett Johansson
• Susan Boyle
• Tracy Morgan
• Kathy Griffin
• Dustin Hoffman
• Macaulay Culkin

And then there's... Sarah Palin?!?

They even added the subheadline "her lesbian secret".

As my Comfy Shoe wearing friends have written when I told them this... WTF?

I'm not buying it, Flagship, and I hate the bitch.