On the rocks alert: Lauren Conrad and Kyle are no more.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 11 July 2011

Us tells it readers about the "shocking split!" between Lauren Conrad and her longtime boyfriend Kyle Howard. The headline reads "She believed Kyle was The One, but after three years and no ring, Conrad finally got the courage to say goodbye."

I had kinda sorta heard of her, but I had no idea who he was and I still don't.

Backstage gossip from Dancing With The Stars.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 2 May 2011

Last season, there were a boatload of Dancing With The Stars stories on the covers of the gossip rags, but it's been a little quiet this season so far. Here are the headlines from the story in Us Weekly.

• DWTS Meltdowns! Hookups! Feuds!
• Kendra - backstage tears
• Kirstie - control freak
• Chelsea - Dating LC's ex

The main characters that have been the targets of gossip have been Kendra and Kirstie, but a new name gets added this week, DisneyTeen™ Chelsea Kane. For people over the age of 25 (and for those under that age who actually have lives), LC is short for Lauren Conrad, a reality TV star.

You're welcome.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Lauren Conrad and Whitney Port

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 28 February 2011

I'm a lot more hip to gossip than I was when I started this silly blog at the beginning of 2010, but the headline from Us Weekly had me scrambling to Google for help.

LC and Whitney: Jealous New Feud

And there were pictures of two young white girls, so I knew the Whitney couldn't be the world's most famous Whitney of the moment, Whitney Houston.

LC is Lauren Conrad, who I guess was kind of the star of the now defunct MTV semi-reality TV show The Hills. Whitney Port was also on the show, but she didn't even get a mention in any of the supermarket rags last year before the show was off the air.

You will notice that I gave their full names in the title of this post, assuming these people are not even close to famous enough to be known to the public by first name only or initials.

You're welcome.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Audrina and Lauren torn apart by jealousy

Publication: In Touch
Date: 15 November 2010

I don't cover most of the headlines about reality shows. I only cover stories about The Hills because I mistakenly thought it wasn't a reality show, never having watched it. The stories are winding down to a trickle which will eventually stop, God willing.

Audrina and Lauren aren't getting along. Do with this information what you will.

Lauren Conrad's revenge

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 20 September 2010

I made a rule not to cover reality shows when I started this blog, but not having a TV, I mistakenly thought The Hills was scripted. Turns out I may have been right in my misconception, but that is another matter.

In any case, the girls from The Hills are grandfathered in to the blog and I feel compelled to mention stories that pertain to them while I will refuse to mention people from other reality shows, the Kardashians being an exception.

Lauren Conrad may be getting her own separate reality show. That counts as revenge in the eyes of the editors of Us Weekly. Sounds more like a prison sentence to me.

Damn You Skinny Alert™:Diets That Work

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 7 June 2010

Having looked around online, I realize that I needed to make a new label, the "Diets That Work Alert". The tabloids have given up on finding Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster, and now instead search for that equally mysterious phenomenon, the diet that actually works. Among the successful dieters they talked to were Lauren Conrad of The Hills semi-fame and perpetual supermarket rag headline generators Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Aniston.

They eat what they like and still lose weight!

Your mileage may vary, especially if you like any product made by the Li'l Debbie corporation.

Damn You Skinny Alert™:Diets That Work

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 7 June 2010

Having looked around online, I realize that I needed to make a new label, the "Diets That Work Alert". The tabloids have given up on finding Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster, and now instead search for that equally mysterious phenomenon, the diet that actually works. Among the successful dieters they talked to were Lauren Conrad of The Hills semi-fame and perpetual supermarket rag headline generators Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Aniston.

They eat what they like and still lose weight!

Your mileage may vary, especially if you like any product made by the Li'l Debbie corporation.