What George W. Bush confessed to Billy Graham!

Publication: Globe
Date: 17 January 2011

The Globe reports on a true story, that George W. Bush and Billy Graham had a meeting recently, and then promises to reveal the secret confession of the former president to the aging evangelist of his greatest sin.

I don't know what he told Billy Graham, but I expect Bush doesn't even know his greatest sins. His greatest sins were starting two wars he did not know how to finish, costing thousands of American lives and trillions of American dollars, promising to keep southwest Asia in misery and chaos for decades to come. He thinks those were two bold and victorious decisions.

What George W. Bush is hiding!

Publication: Globe
Date: 15 November 2010

Details from George W. Bush's memoir released this Tuesday are coming out, and the Globe calls it a tell-all book, because the gossip rags love "tell-all books". In fact, they then go forward to tell you stuff that will NOT be in the tell-all book, the lies the Three Wicked Step Sister rags have been peddling for years about George. The details on the cover are:

• Laura's divorce deal
• the truth about George and Condi
• his suicide drama

I figure all these stories are lies, but on the up side, the last one is a fresh lie not published before in 2010.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Clinton snubs Obama, but not Bush

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 23 August 2010

According to the Examiner, Bill Clinton snubbed Barack Hussein Manson Obama while giving the thumbs up to George W. Bush. I thought this might have something to do with Chelsea's wedding, but I can't find any independent verification in real news sources. Since I refuse to open these things up to find out what the stories say, we are left with a vague headline from a publication famous for lying and being cheap.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Clinton snubs Obama, but not Bush

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 23 August 2010

According to the Examiner, Bill Clinton snubbed Barack Hussein Manson Obama while giving the thumbs up to George W. Bush. I thought this might have something to do with Chelsea's wedding, but I can't find any independent verification in real news sources. Since I refuse to open these things up to find out what the stories say, we are left with a vague headline from a publication famous for lying and being cheap.

On the Rocks Alert and Not Long 4 This World Alert:George H.W. Bush tells George W. to get his act together before the old man dies

(Photo by MIKE THEILER/Getty Images North America)

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 12 July 2010

I've been reading the headlines of the tabloids for six months straight, and if there is a significant difference between the Globe and the Examiner, I haven't figured it out yet. They are both mean, they both like the Hey Old Timer Gossip, they are both owned by American Media, Inc., they tend to attack the same people, most of whom are completely ignored by the other eight of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter.

One minor difference. The Globe has a website so I can see a shrunk down version of the new cover on Wednesday that will be on the stands on Thursday. The Examiner doesn't have a website, the cheap bastids. Often, if the Globe runs a mean story about someone whom none of the other tabloids will gossip about, the Examiner will follow suit.

The story of the marital strife of George W. and Laura Bush has ping-ponged back and forth between the Globe and the Examiner this year, and this week Daddy Bush is thrown into the mix for the first time. The father tells his son to fix his marriage before the old man dies.

I debated whether this really counted as a Not Long 4 This World Alert, and decided in the affirmative due to the death of Prescott Bush last month, who at 87 was just one year older than George H.W. Also, since H.W. was ambassador to the U.N. before I graduated high school, this counts as Hey Old Timer gossip as well.

Here's where I'm supposed to give my best wishes to the family and friends of George Herbert Walker Bush.

meh.

On the Rocks Alert and Not Long 4 This World Alert:George H.W. Bush tells George W. to get his act together before the old man dies

(Photo by MIKE THEILER/Getty Images North America)

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 12 July 2010

I've been reading the headlines of the tabloids for six months straight, and if there is a significant difference between the Globe and the Examiner, I haven't figured it out yet. They are both mean, they both like the Hey Old Timer Gossip, they are both owned by American Media, Inc., they tend to attack the same people, most of whom are completely ignored by the other eight of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter.

One minor difference. The Globe has a website so I can see a shrunk down version of the new cover on Wednesday that will be on the stands on Thursday. The Examiner doesn't have a website, the cheap bastids. Often, if the Globe runs a mean story about someone whom none of the other tabloids will gossip about, the Examiner will follow suit.

The story of the marital strife of George W. and Laura Bush has ping-ponged back and forth between the Globe and the Examiner this year, and this week Daddy Bush is thrown into the mix for the first time. The father tells his son to fix his marriage before the old man dies.

I debated whether this really counted as a Not Long 4 This World Alert, and decided in the affirmative due to the death of Prescott Bush last month, who at 87 was just one year older than George H.W. Also, since H.W. was ambassador to the U.N. before I graduated high school, this counts as Hey Old Timer gossip as well.

Here's where I'm supposed to give my best wishes to the family and friends of George Herbert Walker Bush.

meh.

On the Rocks Alert:Laura wants a divorce... again!

Publication: Globe
Date: May 31 2010

It's been a while, but the Globe is back on the Bash Bush campaign. This is the fourth time we've seen this story in five months, three times in the Globe and once in that cheap-ass sponge paper the Examiner.

The extra scoop is she's sick of his boozing. No mention of him tomcatting around with anyone.

Honestly, I think she's too high on pills to care if he's drinking or not.

On the Rocks Alert:Laura wants a divorce... again!

Publication: Globe
Date: May 31 2010

It's been a while, but the Globe is back on the Bash Bush campaign. This is the fourth time we've seen this story in five months, three times in the Globe and once in that cheap-ass sponge paper the Examiner.

The extra scoop is she's sick of his boozing. No mention of him tomcatting around with anyone.

Honestly, I think she's too high on pills to care if he's drinking or not.

On the rocks alert:What Laura Bush is hiding

Publication: Globe

Date: 29 Mar. 2010

Bad news about the marriages of George W. and Laura or Barack and Michelle are usually in the Globe, though there has been one in the Examiner. This time, it's about the stuff that won't be in Laura Bush's book when it finally comes out.

The three vague statements on the cover are Bush's suicide fears, the "other" woman in quotation marks (probably Condi) and the bitter divorce duel.

They have been pushing this divorce story forever. Until it goes on the court docket, I remain skeptical.

On the Rocks Alert: George W. and Laura Bush separated

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 15 Feb. 2010

Having beat up on the Obamas for a while, the tabloids are back on the story that George W. and Laura are having their problems. The National Examiner goes so far as to say they have separated and George is begging her to take him back.

I wonder what it's like for them to go to a supermarket and see their dirty laundry aired for all the world to see?

Who am I kidding? Somebody does their shopping for them, and it's only a 50-50 chance that person has a green card.

On The Rocks Alert: George and Laura Bush

Publication: Globe
Date: 11 Jan. 2010

The Globe has been going with this story for years. While all the tabloids printed on newsprint are from the same parent organization, I think the Globe is the main perpetrator of stories about Bush marriage discord.

According to them, the two problems are

1) George is still drinking and Laura is sick of it, and
2) George is tomcatting around with Condoleezza Rice.

The reason this time is #2, and supposedly Laura found the love letters. Do either George or Condi strike you as the love letter type? Yeah, me neither.

I have no fond feelings for anyone involved in this story, but I still don't believe this crap for a minute. Then again, if the Bushes divorce, remember, you heard it in the Globe first.