Let's get the Teen Mom crap out of the way early.

Publication: OK!
Date: 30 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The good news is that only one gossip rag has Teen Mom crap on their cover this week. The bad news is that we can't get rid of this plague, which among reality TV shows is only surpassed by Dancing With The Stars for interest from the Only Ten Magazines That Matter.

I don't watch Dancing With The Stars, but at least I understand how someone could watch it. This show's appeal mystifies me completely. Anyway, here are the headlines.

• Leah's shock: Another Teen Mom Baby
  exclusive interview
  PLUS Corey starts a second family with a new woman and child
  Jenelle's rehab diary: "It's a nightmare."
  

Demon Something Alert™: Jenelle Evans goes to rehab.

Publication: OK!
Date: 23 May 2011

Last week was so chock full of royal wedding stuff, it was blissfully Teen Mom free. The pessimist in me knew it couldn't last and once again he was proven right.

Jenelle Evans is heading to rehab. You mean her nasty, erratic behavior has something to do with artificial ingredients? I am shocked and stunned.

No, wait... what's the opposite and shocked and stunned? Whatever it is, that's what I am.

Again with the Teen Mom crap. Like a baby's diaper, it's never over.

Publications: OK!, Us Weekly, In Touch
Date: 2 May 2011

Some day, the long national nightmare that is MTV's Teen Mom will end.

Today is not that day.

Here are the headlines.

• OK!: Leah & Corey: Fight for the twins
  The explosive secrets that will decide custody
  Leah catches Corey in the act
  Out-of-control partying
  The attack she just can't forgive
  Kailyn Maci Catelynn: Three Teen Mom weddings
• In Touch: Corey hits Leah! Now, terrified, she demands full custody
  Jenelle abandons Jace to bail out her drug addict boyfriend
• Us Weekly: Corey's betrayal
  
  

Did I ever say how much I hate the concept and execution of this show? I think I did.

All the entirely too much Teen Mom dish for 25 April.

Publications: In Touch, Weekly Life & Style, OK!
Date: 25 April 2011

As should be clear by now, there is no cure for Teen Mom. It is a sexually transmitted disease like herpes or HIV and there's nothing we can do about it. Here are the three supermarket rag headlines about these awful people and their awful problems.

• OK!: Leah dumped by Corey and he's taking the twins
  A fight of money and a bigger house was the final straw - now he's filing for divorce
• In Touch: Leah splits with Corey! Catches him taking the money for Ali's medical bills to buy a new truck!
  Maci's getting married (some guy named Kyle)
• Weekly Life & Style: Teen Mom Jenelle: Baby # 2 for fame
  

All the Teen Mom dish for 18 April.

Publications: OK!, In Touch
Date: 18 April 2011

If you want proof that the prayers of unbelievers don't work, I submit for your approval that Teen Mom is still on the air and The Only Ten Magazines That Matter are still obsessed with the show. When I instituted the policy that reality TV shows would get mentioned whether I liked them or not, I thought I was going to be hip deep in Jersey Shore, and commenter #1 Karen Zipdrive thought it would be Real Housewives 24/7.

There has been one mention of Snooki, nine stories about the Housewives and this is the 23rd story with the label Teen Mom.

Well, let's get it over with.

• OK!: (pictures of Jenelle and Leah) Who's pregnant with triplets!
  Who's hoping another baby will save their relationship
  PLUS: Amber and Gary reunite
• In Touch: (pictures of Leah and Kailyn) Leah's miracle - baby Ali's first steps
  Kailyn's pregnancy scare

All the Teen Mom dish for 11 April.

Publications: Star, OK!, In Touch
Date: 11 April 2011

There are a lot of reality shows on a lot of channels, but there are only a handful that the supermarket rags cannot leave alone: The Kardashians, Kendra, Dancing With The Stars, The Bachelor and Teen Mom. There is an occasional mention of American False Idol, and a scattershot of Real Housewives, but the five mentioned above are the ones that show up regularly, week in and week out. This week, there are three stories about the Teen Mom cast, and I post all of them here.

• OK!: Teen Mom catfights and drama
• In Touch: Teen moms addicted to surgery - implants, lipo and nose jobs!
  How Jenelle, Leah and Maci are falling victim to the pressures of fame
  Plus: Amber's $50,000 nip/tuck
• Star: Teen Mom brawl Jenelle and Brittany
  punching, scratching, biting

All the Teen Mom mess in one hard to swallow dose.

Publications: OK!, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 28 March 2011

New rule. I will report on all Teen Mom stories that show up in the gossip rags, but I will no longer hunt for pictures of these young women or their unfortunate offspring. Also, no matter how many cover stories involve the "stars" of the show, there's only the one post a week.

Here are the headlines.

• Weekly Life & Style: Teen Mom exclusive: more babies on the way
  After twins, a baby boy for Leah
  Chelsea's shock over another baby
  Are they having kids for fame?
• OK!: Jenelle Shocker: Jace has a brother

I hope MTV puts out a big press release when this show is canceled, because when I find out, I'm going to throw a party.

You So Crazy Alert™: Two stories about Teen Mom Jenelle

Publications: In Touch, Us Weekly
Date: 14 March 2011

Jenelle Evans has almost as many mentions on the covers of the supermarket rags this year as fellow Teen Mom alumna Amber Portwood, which makes her one of the most popular reality TV stars in the gossip world this year. She's not as popular as Bachelor Brad, Kendra or the Kardashian sisters, but she is tied with fellow reality TV star Sarah Palin, both of them one tabloid cover story away from being in the top ten for 2011.

Here are her headlines.

• In Touch: Jenelle threatening her ex
• Us Weekly: Jenelle not ready to be his mom
  Jenelle and her mom open up about troubled family, the partying, her future plans and how it's all affecting Jace

You So Crazy Alert™: Teen Mom Jenelle's hotel room found trashed.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 28 February 2011

Amber Portwood still claims the title of craziest girl ever to be on the show Teen Mom, but Jenelle Evans is not going to let her hold onto that title without a fight. In Touch tells us she trashed a hotel room she recently occupied.

Once again, I think of how proud her parents must be.

Teen Mom Jenelle getting a DNA test.

Publication: OK!
Date: 21 February 2011

Jenelle Evans is trying to be the most irresponsible cast member on Teen Mom, but she has a serious amount of competition. According to OK!, she is going to get a DNA test to find out which of the many men she had sex with is the actual baby daddy to young Jace.

Her family must be so proud.

More bad life decisions from the cast of Teen Mom.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 21 February 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Last year, I was picky about what reality TV I would report, but this year I've decided to hold my nose and report on this stuff.

When it comes to Teen Mom, the nose holding almost jumps from the figurative to the literal.

In Touch gives us a triple play of Teen Mom stupidity.

• Farrah Abraham is hoping a boob job will help her land a spin-off reality show. Yeah, that's worked so well for Heidi Montag.
• Jenelle Evans is blowing thousands on clothes and partying, but when these girls are getting paid hundreds of thousands, that number sounds like chump change.
• Amber Portwood is hooked on pills and trying to become a porn star.

Yes, I saved the ickiest for last. Remember that no one forced you to keep reading.

Bun In The Oven Alert™:Teen Mom Jenelle pregnant again, according to "friends"

Publication: In Touch
Date: 14 February 2011

In Touch tells us that according to her "friends", Jenelle Evans, who gained fame and fortune on MTV's Teen Mom is pregnant once again.

The "friends" being the ones who will rat her out to gossip rags for money.

What a lovely can of worms MTV opened with this exciting new concept in entertainment.

And the camera noses in to the tears on her face:Teen Mom Jenelle not sure who her baby's daddy is.

Publication: OK!
Date: 31 January 2011

OK! gives us two "exclusive" Teen Mom related headlines this week, though they shared the story of Corey and Leah's wedding with Weekly Life & Style. The second story is that Jenelle Evans isn't sure who is the father of baby Jace.

Spare a thought for her proud parents.

She Fought The Law Alert™:Teen Mom Jenelle Evans' trouble with the law

Publications: OK!, In Touch
Date: 24 January 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Jenelle Evans! The latest out of control girl from Teen Mom makes it on the cover of two supermarket rags following an arrest for marijuana possession. In Touch has only a small picture, while OK! makes it the main story. Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Teen Mom Jenelle's Shocking Arrest
• OK!: Teen Mom Jenelle Losing Her Baby Forever
  Her criminal behavior could keep her from baby Jace again

They also include small pictures of Jenelle smoking the herb and berating her mom, though not at the same time.

It's nice to know the producers at MTV still have that uncanny talent for finding people who will commit crimes before the crimes are actually committed.