Least interesting cover story of the week: Mariah Carey rushed to hospital.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 11 April 2011

The practice of having headlines without artwork is spreading from the AMI kennel to all the rest of the supermarket rags. (Technically, People has two such stories this week, but I forgive them because they gave the entire cover to a great glamor shot of Miss Elizabeth Taylor.) Weekly Life & Style prints the confirmed story that Mariah Carey was rushed to the hospital after experiencing false labor.

Best wishes to Mariah, her family and babies.

Breaking news:Celine Dion gives birth to twin boys prematurely

Celine Dion gave birth to twin boys this afternoon. The singer was in the 35th week of pregnancy, so the births are officially considered premature. The boys weighed 5 lbs. 4 oz. and 5 lbs. 10 oz.

Mother and children are said to be resting comfortably.

Breaking news (sort of):Heidi Montag files for divorce in Santa Monica

Publication: TMZ online
Date: 30 July 2010

My thanks to blog buddy Karen Zipdrive for pointing out this story from last Friday. The noise around the relationship of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt is so thick it's hard to tell if there is any signal at all, but filing of divorce papers in court is as close to a real thing as we will get from this pair of phonies. Heidi has filed for divorce. I thought it was all just Planted Crap from these people just to stay in the spotlight, but I admit I was wrong on that score and give the "confirmed" label to both the Star and Weekly Life & Style who said the relationship was over back in June.

Breaking news (sort of):Heidi Montag files for divorce in Santa Monica

Publication: TMZ online
Date: 30 July 2010

My thanks to blog buddy Karen Zipdrive for pointing out this story from last Friday. The noise around the relationship of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt is so thick it's hard to tell if there is any signal at all, but filing of divorce papers in court is as close to a real thing as we will get from this pair of phonies. Heidi has filed for divorce. I thought it was all just Planted Crap from these people just to stay in the spotlight, but I admit I was wrong on that score and give the "confirmed" label to both the Star and Weekly Life & Style who said the relationship was over back in June.

Bun In The Oven Alert™:Alicia Keys pregnant and engaged

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 14 June 2010

R&B singer Alicia Keys has confirmed through her publicist that she is pregnant and engaged to the baby's daddy, the rapper Swiss Beatz.

Best wishes to the happy couple.

Bun In The Oven Alert™:Alicia Keys pregnant and engaged

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 14 June 2010

R&B singer Alicia Keys has confirmed through her publicist that she is pregnant and engaged to the baby's daddy, the rapper Swiss Beatz.

Best wishes to the happy couple.

Bun(s) In The Oven Alert™:Celine Dion expecting twins

Publications: National Enquirer, Weekly Life & Style, Star
Date: 14 June 2010

Remember last February when Celine Dion was having trouble conceiving a second child and she was all weepy and stuff?

Well, she and the old geezer kept trying and now they confirm the story in three tabloids that they are expecting twins, and Celine is all weepy and stuff.

French Canadians. Very volatile people.

Bun(s) In The Oven Alert™:Celine Dion expecting twins

Publications: National Enquirer, Weekly Life & Style, Star
Date: 14 June 2010

Remember last February when Celine Dion was having trouble conceiving a second child and she was all weepy and stuff?

Well, she and the old geezer kept trying and now they confirm the story in three tabloids that they are expecting twins, and Celine is all weepy and stuff.

French Canadians. Very volatile people.

On the rocks alert:Kim moves out of Reggie's

Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 12 Apr. 2010

Last week, multiple tabs said Kim and Reggie were over because he cheated. Commenter and reality TV expert Karen Zipdrive says the real problem is that Reggie doesn't like having the cameras following him around 24/7. In either case, the relationship looks to be over.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Details of the upcoming Carrie Underwood wedding

Publications: OK! and Weekly Life & Style
Date: 15 Feb. 2010

I care about the love life of Carrie Underwood to the sum of zero, but the tabloids can't get enough of it. This week, it's pictures of her wedding dress, in which she looks purdy.

The groom, for his part, has promised not to wear his baseball cap, to have less than two days of stubble and not to have his hair in a mullet.

It's every girl's special day.