Love Bird Alert™: Elin Nordegren dating again!

Publication: People
Date: 1 August 2011

The gossip rags have pretty much forgotten about Tiger Woods, but here's People (of all people) letting us know that Elin Nordegren has decided she doesn't have to enter a convent just because she found out she married a man slut.

Good for her and better luck this time, hon.

Love Bird Alert™: Elin Nordegren dating again!

Publication: People
Date: 1 August 2011

The gossip rags have pretty much forgotten about Tiger Woods, but here's People (of all people) letting us know that Elin Nordegren has decided she doesn't have to enter a convent just because she found out she married a man slut.

Good for her and better luck this time, hon.

Love Bird Alert™: Elin Nordegren dating again!

Publication: People
Date: 1 August 2011

The gossip rags have pretty much forgotten about Tiger Woods, but here's People (of all people) letting us know that Elin Nordegren has decided she doesn't have to enter a convent just because she found out she married a man slut.

Good for her and better luck this time, hon.

He fought the Law alert:Tiger's desperate hunt for Elin's diary

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 17 January 2011

According to the National Enquirer, Tiger Woods was caught in his former house, apparently searching for his former wife's diary.

If this is true, and with the Enquirer you can never know, this would constitute breaking and entering. I couldn't find any independent confirmation online, so I'm going to say is just more made-up crap from the AMI kennel.

Bun In The Oven Alert™?:Elin Nordegren is having a baby.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 29 November 2010

The Tiger Woods story has lost a lot of steam since the beginning of the year, and I kind of hoped his ex-wife Elin Nordegren would be able to slip out of the gossip spotlight now that she's made a clean break from Tiger.

No such luck, especially with The Flagship still around.

We haven't heard peep about Elin's love life post-Tiger, but the Enquirer says she has been going full steam ahead and is now pregnant. They also tell us Tiger is crushed.

So far, I haven't found either confirmation or denial of this story online. I'm going to say the null hypothesis is she's not pregnant, and until a reliable news source backs this up, it makes sense to say the story in the Enquirer is bullshit.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Elin's final revenge on Tiger

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 8 November 2010

The Flagship keeps Elin's name in the supermarket rags yet again when it's clear she'd like to go back to being anonymous. Also, from what I know about divorced couples, there's really no such thing as "final" revenge.

Damn You Skinny (or Fat) Alert™:Hollywood's deadliest diets

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 20 September 2010

The Flagship give most of the cover this week to famous people with weight problems. There is a "guess who" picture of someone too fat, a picture of Aretha Franklin, who they say is 300 lbs., a number which is currently sadly believable, and everyone else mentioned is too skinny. They call Tori Spelling scary skinny and give numbers to all the other pictures. Tara Reid is 95 lbs., Elin Nordegren is 110 pounds, Nicole Richie is 83 pounds and Mary Kate Olson is 86 lbs.

The picture above is not of any of the mentioned celebrities. It's of Nicky Hilton a few years back.

What Elin really knows.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 20 September 2010

I thought once the divorce was finalized and she gave an exclusive interview to People, Elin Nordegren would get her private life back. Silly, silly me.

Now it's Weekly Life & Style, one of the nicer supermarket rags, still piling on with the secrets Elin has been paid to keep quiet.

I should have known that any cheating story in the tabloids is not about cheating but the consequences of cheating. It's a never ending and often lying morality tale.

You So Crazy Alert™:Elin's suicide secret

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 13 September 2010

I thought about putting this story of the National Enquirer reporting on alleged suicide attempt by Tiger Woods' ex-wife Elin Nordegren as one of this week's Meanest Story nominees, but I'm so immersed in this filth, I didn't even see this as an attack on her.

The Enquirer is trying to get back at People magazine for getting an exclusive interview with Elin and giving her the chance to say goodbye to her unwanted celebrity.

I seriously hope she gets her life back. She's paid enough for believing a charming man slut.

Biggest scoop of the week:People has an exclusive interview with Elin Nordegren

Publication: People
Date: 6 September 2010

The Gold Standard is the best selling supermarket rag and this is what they do best, get the exclusive interview with someone in the middle of a messy situation. This is the first time Elin Nordegren has talked to anyone on the record since the whole story blew up about nine months ago. The details on the cover include that the divorce is final, her heartbreak over the last nine months and how she is coping.

The story isn't quite as big as the scoop with Sandra Bullock when she introduced her adopted baby to the world, but it's certainly bigger than the "exclusive" interviews they got with Kate Gosselin when everyone was trashing her.

With any luck, Elin will start fading from view and she will get some of her privacy back.

On the Rocks update:Tiger and Elin officially divorced

Publication: TMZ online
Date: 23 August 2010

Okay, so she put a nine iron through the window of his SUV last Thanksgiving. That really didn't mean it was over, did it?

Well, Labor Day is around the corner, and according to official documents, it's over. Now I get to go back and put FAIL by all the stories that had them back together and WIN by all the stories that said they really were through.

Confirmed On the Rocks Alert:Tiger and Elin's divorce is real, but not as expensive as reported

Publication: TMZ online
Date: 1 July 2010

A report from a British tabloid was widely circulated this week. It said that the divorce of Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren was finalized and she would be getting $750 million. Because of the source, I was not willing to publish the news on this blog. (Unlike MSNBC and Huffington Post, I have standards.) But the news has been confirmed on TMZ online, the gossip source I trust the most. More than that, the source who spoke to TMZ said the divorce becomes final tomorrow and that the $750 million number is pure hooey. Forbes estimated Tiger's worth last year at $600 million, so it's a little tough for him to get his hands on that much cash, especially given the high cost of skanky hos these days.

Every tabloid who said they were getting divorced gets an orange in their stocking, and the ones who said they'd work it out get a lump of coal.

Confirmed On the Rocks Alert:Tiger and Elin's divorce is real, but not as expensive as reported

Publication: TMZ online
Date: 1 July 2010

A report from a British tabloid was widely circulated this week. It said that the divorce of Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren was finalized and she would be getting $750 million. Because of the source, I was not willing to publish the news on this blog. (Unlike MSNBC and Huffington Post, I have standards.) But the news has been confirmed on TMZ online, the gossip source I trust the most. More than that, the source who spoke to TMZ said the divorce becomes final tomorrow and that the $750 million number is pure hooey. Forbes estimated Tiger's worth last year at $600 million, so it's a little tough for him to get his hands on that much cash, especially given the high cost of skanky hos these days.

Every tabloid who said they were getting divorced gets an orange in their stocking, and the ones who said they'd work it out get a lump of coal.

On the Rocks Alert:Elin's life after Tiger

Publication: OK!
Date: 28 June 2010

It's been three months since Elin or Tiger was front page news in the tabs. There haven't been any stories of reconciliation, but there also hasn't been the public filing of papers. OK! says they know about what Elin will do in her new life without Tiger.

As we will see tomorrow, OK! is a very positive supermarket rag, but they aren't a very reliable one.

On the Rocks Alert:Elin's life after Tiger

Publication: OK!
Date: 28 June 2010

It's been three months since Elin or Tiger was front page news in the tabs. There haven't been any stories of reconciliation, but there also hasn't been the public filing of papers. OK! says they know about what Elin will do in her new life without Tiger.

As we will see tomorrow, OK! is a very positive supermarket rag, but they aren't a very reliable one.

Bun In The Oven Alert™?:Elin is pregnant and that's the reason she won't dump Tiger

Publication: Globe

Date: 5 Apr. 2010

The Tiger Woods mistress stories were front page news in the National Enquirer in late November 2009. That means four full months have come and gone and there's been no resolution, either her taking him back or divorcing his cheating ass, as well as other cheating body parts. What gives?

According to the Globe, Elin is pregnant with Tiger's child, and that is the reason for the delay. We have to expect they haven't been having regular sex during all this mess, so within five months, we should know if it's true or not.

On the rocks alert:Tiger gives Elin a LOT of money, but she still wants a divorce.

Publication: Globe

Date: 29 Mar. 2010

Maybe this is the torture The Flagship mentioned. According to the Globe, Tiger has given Elin $150 million, but she still won't call off the divorce.

As far as I know, no one has actually filed for divorce yet in any court. Stay tuned.

On the rocks alert:Elin tortures Tiger

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 29 Mar. 2010

Two stories about Tiger and Elin this afternoon. The Flagship says Elin is torturing Tiger.

Liz Cheney says it's just advanced interrogation techniques.

On the rocks alert:Elin betrayed again

Publication: OK!
Date: 8 Mar. 2010

This week, OK! goes with mostly positive headlines, but this is the exception. How has Elin been betrayed? That's for people who actually open the magazine to know.

I didn't read the article, but other sources say that Elin never asked for thee public apology and is annoyed at Tiger for doing it. I don't know if that's the story OK! is going with, but it very well might be.

On the rocks alert: Elin tells Tiger he's "pathetic"

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 1 Mar. 2010

The Flagship published this report before Tiger gave his "I've been a bad, bad Buddhist" statement on Friday, and they have a source that says Elin called her estranged husband "pathetic".

Looking up the precise definition, "pathetic" should mean inciting pity or a mix of scorn and pity. I'm seeing very little pity for Tiger so far.