Breaking news:Jesse James and Kat Von D engaged.

Publication: Huffington Post
Date: 20 January 2011

It has been confirmed that man slut Jesse James and his skanky tattoo pal Kat Von D are engaged to be married. Apparently, they have been tweeting about it for over a week and it took this long for anyone to notice. There might be something on a cover of a supermarket rag next week, but maybe not. In terms of fame, he traded way down.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Sandra and Kat fight over the kids

Publication: In Touch
Date: 8 November 2010

Last week, OK! said Kat Von D had dumped man slut Jesse James. This week, she is obviously still in his life because she is feuding with Sandra Bullock over the influence she has in the lives of the kids.

It is the mission of this blog to keep the stories told by the supermarket rags straight. As we know, the stories they tell are crooked, especially when you have so many gossips talking all at once.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Payback for Sandra as Jesse gets dumped!

Publication: OK!
Date: 1 November 2010

In gossip world, no one lives their own life, but instead gains comfort from the misfortune of those who have wronged them in the past. OK! says Jesse James got dumped, I assume by Kat Von D., the much tattooed young woman he was dating, and this is a source of satisfaction for Sandra Bullock, who was not involved in that relationship in any way.

Man Slut Alert:More of Jesse and his new tatt-mate

Publications: People, In Touch
Date: 20 September 2010

I thought once Jesse was separated from the far more famous Sandra Bullock, he would become a tabloid non-entity. I thought the same about Elin Nordegren divorced from Tiger Woods.

As of early September, I thought wrong. Twice.

Two magazines shove Jesse and his new tatty girlfriend in our face. See if you can notice the subtle difference in the headlines.

People: Jesse's New Girl
In Touch: Jesse's Girl Pregnant

Of course, both headlines have a modest after note of Rick Springfield in them, but only old farts like me are going to notice that.

Damn You Skinny (or Fat) Alert™:Best and Worst Beach bodies

Publication: Star
Date: 13 September 2010

Star goes with a best and worst beach body cover, though most of the bad bodies are given the "Guess who?" treatment, and I refuse to guess or look inside to see who they are ragging on. Among the named people, there's a shot of Britney Spears in a bikini and one of her and Jason Trawick frolicking together, and also photos of Lady Gaga, who looks good, and Kat Von D., who looks odd to me with all her ink, but I'm an old fart. They also have a rear view picture of Kim Kardashian, which I'm assuming is intended for the connoisseurs of the big butt, 'cos that's what little Kim has got, in spades and trump.

Love Bird Alert™:Jesse James and Kat Von D. flaunting it

Publication: Star
Date: 13 September 2010

Some of the big tabloid stars, like Sandra Bullock and Jennifer Aniston, got the week off. But we know that any mention of Jesse James is really a dig at Sandy, right?

Okay, so Jesse and the also equally inked Kat Von D. are now being seen in public. I love that she looks so happy and he looks like a deer caught in the headlights. Usually, he looks like he wants to punch out the shutterbug, but now he looks like a pithed frog.

I guess I'm going to have to be the one who brings it up, though I know it is unseemly. He gets color tattoos and she gets monochrome. Everyone knows these mixed marriages hardly ever work out.

And the camera noses in to the tears on her face:Sandra crushed because Jesse is dating.

Publications: National Enquirer, In Touch
Date: 30 August 2010

Jesse James being seen in public with another woman after his divorce is on the cover of four supermarket rags this week. Weekly Life & Style got a Meanest Story nomination for adding the detail that Jesse blames Sandy for his infidelity. These two stories didn't get quite so personal, but they had a similar slant.

National Enquirer: New heartache for Sandy: Jesse and Kat Von D.
In Touch: Jesse's Dating! Stabbed in the Heart

The In Touch story has a picture of Sandy, as she is the one who they think has been figuratively stabbed in the heart. Given the lovely class of people Jesse James hangs out with, it's possible he may yet be literally stabbed in the heart, but it hasn't happened yet.

And the camera noses in to the tears on her face:Sandra crushed because Jesse is dating.

Publications: National Enquirer, In Touch
Date: 30 August 2010

Jesse James being seen in public with another woman after his divorce is on the cover of four supermarket rags this week. Weekly Life & Style got a Meanest Story nomination for adding the detail that Jesse blames Sandy for his infidelity. These two stories didn't get quite so personal, but they had a similar slant.

National Enquirer: New heartache for Sandy: Jesse and Kat Von D.
In Touch: Jesse's Dating! Stabbed in the Heart

The In Touch story has a picture of Sandy, as she is the one who they think has been figuratively stabbed in the heart. Given the lovely class of people Jesse James hangs out with, it's possible he may yet be literally stabbed in the heart, but it hasn't happened yet.

Meanest Story nominee:Jesse blames Sandy for infidelity

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 30 August 2010

This week's Meanest Story nominees follow a different pattern than the usual. Instead of just looking at the The Wicked Step Sister tabloids, several of the stories come from magazines not quite as famously mean. The first nominee is a story about Jesse and Sandy, no strangers to the supermarket rag treatment. There are actually four stories that mention both of them this week, but the one in Weekly Life & Style has an angle that makes it a Meanest Story nominee for this week.

Weekly Life & Style says Jesse is dating again, a detail agreed upon by all. He has been seen in the company of Kat Von D., a model well known in the tattoo community. This is supposed to be humiliating to Sandra, but this is the reason she divorced him, right? The detail that makes this a Meanest Story nominee is a supposed quote from Jesse that he blames Sandy for his constant cheating, that she was not attentive enough to his needs.

Just another reason to hate his white trash guts, if we didn't have reason enough before.

Meanest Story nominee:Jesse blames Sandy for infidelity

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 30 August 2010

This week's Meanest Story nominees follow a different pattern than the usual. Instead of just looking at the The Wicked Step Sister tabloids, several of the stories come from magazines not quite as famously mean. The first nominee is a story about Jesse and Sandy, no strangers to the supermarket rag treatment. There are actually four stories that mention both of them this week, but the one in Weekly Life & Style has an angle that makes it a Meanest Story nominee for this week.

Weekly Life & Style says Jesse is dating again, a detail agreed upon by all. He has been seen in the company of Kat Von D., a model well known in the tattoo community. This is supposed to be humiliating to Sandra, but this is the reason she divorced him, right? The detail that makes this a Meanest Story nominee is a supposed quote from Jesse that he blames Sandy for his constant cheating, that she was not attentive enough to his needs.

Just another reason to hate his white trash guts, if we didn't have reason enough before.