Scoop of the week: Chris Hansen of To Catch A Predator caught cheating on videotape

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 11 July 2011

Chris Hansen, the guy from To Catch A Predator who videotapes men coming into homes with the hope of sweet talking some underaged girl into bed, has been caught on videotape sweet talking a woman past age of consent, but said woman is not his wife. Unlike most stories in the supermarket rags, this one has gained traction quickly in the mainstream press and qualifies as Scoop of the Week.

Scoop of the week:People has an exclusive interview with Kim Kardashian and her new fiance Kris Humphries.

Publication: People
Date: 6 June 2011

Fresh trash on... Wednesdays? Yes, People has the real deal on the cover, the exclusive story of how Kris Humphries proposed to Kim Kardashian. There have been plenty of stories in the supermarket rags before about the state of their romance, but the big difference between People and the rest of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter is that People doesn't publish idle speculation. (Planted crap, yes. Idle speculation, no.)

You should be able to read the headline in this cropped version of the cover this week. Back in April, Weekly Life & Style said he got her a 10 carat ring "just like Liz Taylor's". As you can see from this version, they were off by about a factor of two.

Best wishes to the happy couple.

Meanest Story nominee:Catherine Zeta-Jones in Psycho Ward!

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 25 April 2011

The Flagship has a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week, as usual, but this one has already been confirmed as true. Catherine Zeta-Jones, who is called "Michael Douglas' wife" in the headlines, has been checked in to a mental hospital due to a diagnosis of bi-polar disorder 2. The Enquirer says she has been put in a ward with drug addicts and alcoholics, but since she works in Hollywood, she should feel right at home. (Rimshot! Thank you very much! I'll be here all week! Try the veal!)

UPDATE: Not only has this story been confirmed, but a week later it gets on several covers, so I give the story a belated Scoop of the Week.

On the rocks alert: Renee Betrayed by Bradley

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 28 March 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! There is a lot of fallout from the confirmed break-up of Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel this week, and this story is the detritus farthest from the scene of the crime. Star has pictures of Bradley Cooper with two different actresses out in public, which obviously means they are shagging like wild weasels either just prior to or just after the public photos are snapped. Cooper is seen with Jessica Biel in a picture that looks real dated February 26 with the caption "caught cuddling", though it just looks like a Hollywood "hello" hug. There is also a picture that could be photoshopped with Sandra Bullock dated March 5 captioned "sneaking out".

I am not giving Mr. Cooper the man slut label because the evidence is just too skimpy.

UPDATE: Since the break-up of Bradley Cooper and Renee Zellweger is all over the place on the supermarket rag covers the week after this story, this gets a belated Scoop of the Week label.

Love Bird Alert™:Scarlett Johansson dating Sean Penn

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 21 February 2011

Us Weekly tells us that Scarlett Johansson is secretly dating Sean Penn, the operative word being "secret". There are no pictures of them together anywhere to be found on the Internets and her representative denies the story. For this reason, I give this story the "In Touch fail" label and I put up a picture of her alone lying on a couch.

'Cos she's purdy.

UPDATE: I've taken away the fail label and given this story the Scoop of the Week instead. First reported in February, they are still a couple in June, which is long enough in the gossip rag business to say that this is serious.

On the rocks alert:Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds have been dating for months.

Publication: Star
Date: 3 January 2011

So why did Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson break up? If we believe the Star, a dicey proposition at best, it's because of that awful home wrecker Sandra Bullock, who has been dating Ryan Reynolds for months.

An unusual but not inexplicable factoid seems to back this theory up. If you go on the Internet and try to find pictures of Ryan and Scarlett together, it's slim pickings, mostly candid shots with the couple dressed in street clothes that look like they were taken either by paparazzi or fans with cell phones. On the other hand, there are plenty of pictures of Ryan and Sandy around, being all friendly on red carpet after red carpet, as in the picture above. The pictures are easily explained, since the couple starred in a romantic comedy called The Proposal which came out in 2009.

And so we are left with the modern journalism problem. Person #1 says x, Person #2 says y, sorry, we're out of time and we will have to leave it there, the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. In the case of Us Weekly and the Star, I don't think the truth is anywhere to be found yet, but I'm sure we will hear much more in the weeks to come.

On the rocks alert and scoop of the week #1:Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron break up

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 27 December 2010

Welcome to gossip hell, Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens! The couple who first sprung into the public consciousness in the High School Musical movies is now officially broken up.

If either of them is leaving the relationship because they want to meet someone who looks better in a swimsuit than their former partner, they are probably out of luck.

If they are leaving the relationship because it was just a publicity stunt for a franchise that has run its course, that is much more understandable.

On the rocks alert and scoop of the week #2:Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds break up

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 27 December 2010

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The break-up of the marriage of Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson has already been reported online, but Us Weekly is the only supermarket magazine to get the story on their cover this week, so they get Scoop of the Week honors for that.

With any luck, Scarlett's search for love will be a big story in 2011 and I will get to search for lots of pictures of her.

Which is nice because she's purdy.

Scoop of the week:People has an exclusive interview with Michael Douglas after his first round of treatment

Publication: People
Date: 13 December 2010

There were a couple of stories mentioned yesterday that could have been Scoop of the Week, but GossipCop shot them both down. With those stories out of the running, it's People who gets the nod with a second interview with Michael Douglas, this one after his first regimen of chemo has been completed. (Note: I don't know if there will be more, but there often are.) The sub-headlines in the story are:

• Michael Douglas: "I feel stronger every day"
• Gaining energy after weeks of grueling treatment, the star heads into the holiday with hope
• "It's a long road back"

Best wishes to Michael Douglas, his family and friends, from a fan.

On the rocks alert:Eva Longoria files for divorce from Tony Parker

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 29 November 2010

Us Weekly is on a roll. They scooped the rest of the gossip rags last week about the royal engagement, and this week they have the most interesting new break-up story, Eva Longoria filing for divorce from her husband, NBA star Tony Parker. The star of Desperate Housewives found many suspicious texts on her husband's cell phone and that lead to the discovery that he was having an affair.

There have been a lot of stories of big stars from team sports behaving badly this year, most notably two quarterbacks with Super Bowl rings, Brett Favre and Ben Roethlisberger, but they have had zero mentions on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter in 2010. Other than Tiger Woods, who is a very special case, athletes are interesting gossip only when linked to female celebrities.

Love Bird Alert™:Wills proposes to Kate for a wedding next summer

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 22 November 2010

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Back in the late spring and early summer, several supermarket rags, including Us Weekly, were saying that there were snags in the royal romance of Prince William and Kate Middleton. More recently, the story has moved away from the AMI kennel of tabloids into the more reputable gossip rags, and the stories take a more positive slant.

Now, Us Weekly weighs in again and says the proposal is already a done deal, though it has not yet been announced. Other details mentioned on the cover include:

• His romantic vow to her
• a fairy tale summer ceremony*
• plan to honor his mother's memory

I wish the young couple every happiness.

*One shouldn't hope for too many real life fairy tales, especially ones that come with a wicked stepmother included at no extra charge.

UPDATE: On Tuesday, November 16, the news was made official. And again, best wishes to the happy couple.

Sandra Bullock's adopted son Louis

Publication: People

Date: 10 May 2010

I have often made comments about the trouble supermarket tabloids are in and how their business model works against them. Publishing once a week with a two day lag time between printing and hitting the stands means scoops are very hard to come by.

Okay, now I eat some crow. I like it cooked tandoori style if it's all the same to you.

People and Sandra Bullock conspired brilliantly to release two blockbuster scoops simultaneously. Yes, she will divorce the scumbag Jesse James, and, oh by the way, she adopted a baby from New Orleans named Louis three months ago.

This is the "50 Most Beautiful People" double issue, and usually it would be a great big picture of Julia Roberts or George Clooney or Halle Berry on the cover and no mention of anything like breaking news. But instead it's very happy Sandy holding little Louis, an adorably fat baby who is already working on his totally cool 'tude.

Congratulations to everyone involved. In the space of days, with one picture on the cover of one magazine, Sandra Bullock goes from being a sad victim to a happy and gracious champion once again.

Sandra Bullock's adopted son Louis

Publication: People

Date: 10 May 2010

I have often made comments about the trouble supermarket tabloids are in and how their business model works against them. Publishing once a week with a two day lag time between printing and hitting the stands means scoops are very hard to come by.

Okay, now I eat some crow. I like it cooked tandoori style if it's all the same to you.

People and Sandra Bullock conspired brilliantly to release two blockbuster scoops simultaneously. Yes, she will divorce the scumbag Jesse James, and, oh by the way, she adopted a baby from New Orleans named Louis three months ago.

This is the "50 Most Beautiful People" double issue, and usually it would be a great big picture of Julia Roberts or George Clooney or Halle Berry on the cover and no mention of anything like breaking news. But instead it's very happy Sandy holding little Louis, an adorably fat baby who is already working on his totally cool 'tude.

Congratulations to everyone involved. In the space of days, with one picture on the cover of one magazine, Sandra Bullock goes from being a sad victim to a happy and gracious champion once again.