Bun in the oven alert™?: Joran van der Sloot gets a girl pregnant in jail!

Publication: Globe
Date: 4 July 2011

The last Joran van der Sloot update was back in April, but this week the Globe tells us her has gotten a girl pregnant while in jail in Peru. They also identify his as "Natalee's killer", a reasonable assumption but not a thing ever proved in court.

The Globe is proud that this is a "world exclusive". Of course, when you make stuff up, it's easier to have world exclusives.

He Fought The Law Alert™: Joran and his dad hid Natalee's Body in a Tomb.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 25 April 2011

When Joran van der Sloot was captured in Peru last year, the Enquirer and People put him on the cover, identifying him as Natalee Holloway's likely killer. Since then, the only magazine that has mentioned Natalee has been the Enquirer. This week, they say van der Sloot's dad was complicit in hiding the evidence. Here are the sub-headlines.

• Tossed her body in a corpse filled casket
• FBI finds murder details on his computer
  

Last June, the Enquirer said they had found her grave. That was a lie. In November, they said she was buried alive. No evidence there either, but that has never stood in the way of the Enquirer when there is a grisly story to be told.

He fought the Law alert:Joran van der Sloot threaten's to kill Natalee's mom

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 13 December 2010

It's been six months since Joran van der Sloot was arrested in Peru for murder. When that news first broke, both the National Enquirer and People put him on the front cover. Since then, all the cover stories have been in the Three Wicked Stepsister tabloids, the low rent Examiner, the Globe and The Flagship Enquirer. According to them, he has escaped, attempted suicide, confessed to Natalee Holloway's murder, gotten married, contracted AIDS, given the police in Aruba vital information and done a LOT of drugs. These three magazines have made Joran a bigger supermarket gossip star than Jennifer Lopez or Whitney Houston this year.

Now he has threatened to kill Natalee's mom, which is tough to pull off when he's in a jail cell in Peru and she lives in Alabama.

I get the feeling they won't let go of this story until he dies in prison, and even then they'll tell tales of his ghost haunting people.

Dig up a corpse, why don'tcha?Natalee Holloway was buried alive

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 6 December 2010

The Flagship continues with the charade that they have inside information about Natalee Holloway's murder that actual legitimate news organizations don't have or won't publish. Last week a jawbone was found, but dental records say it wasn't Natalee's. The Flagship says that more bodies were found, which is true, but the grim details of how she died are only known to the man who killed her, who nearly everyone believes is Joran van der Sloot, and if he is giving information, it isn't very reliable.

Dig up a corpse, why don'tcha?Natalee Holloway's grave found

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 28 June 2010

This is exactly the reason the National Enquirer is not a serious news publication, no matter how confused the Pulitzer Prize committee got last year. They write that the grave of missing coed Natalee Holloway has been found in Aruba. The Associated Press, an organization that believes in checking sources and prides themselves on accuracy, reported just yesterday that the authorities in Aruba want to talk to Joran van der Sloot, now in custody in Peru for a murder in that country to which he has confessed.

I certainly hope more information can be shed on the Holloway case, but this jumping to conclusions does no one any good. Shame on the editors at the Enquirer for getting this story wrong and the pain they continue to cause.

Dig up a corpse, why don'tcha?Natalee Holloway's grave found

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 28 June 2010

This is exactly the reason the National Enquirer is not a serious news publication, no matter how confused the Pulitzer Prize committee got last year. They write that the grave of missing coed Natalee Holloway has been found in Aruba. The Associated Press, an organization that believes in checking sources and prides themselves on accuracy, reported just yesterday that the authorities in Aruba want to talk to Joran van der Sloot, now in custody in Peru for a murder in that country to which he has confessed.

I certainly hope more information can be shed on the Holloway case, but this jumping to conclusions does no one any good. Shame on the editors at the Enquirer for getting this story wrong and the pain they continue to cause.

Compare and contrast:The Enquirer and People run nearly identical cover stories

Publications: National Enquirer, People
Date: 21 June 2010

I have given the National Enquirer and People the nicknames The Flagship and The Gold Standard, respectively. The Enquirer is the big budget rag in the American Media Inc. stable, which includes the Globe, Sun, National Examiner and Star. Kennel might be a more accurate metaphor. People is owned by Time, Inc., and in general acts like a news magazine with a focus towards celebrity stories.

In general, the Enquirer is meaner and uses more paid informants, while People tends to interview the subjects of their stories, and if those subjects come off looking bad, it's because they get hung on their own quotes. This week, both use the majority of their front covers to discuss the arrest of Joran van der Sloot in Peru for the murder of Stephany Flores Ramirez. He has confessed to this crime already. Van der Sloot was arrested twice in Aruba when Natalee Holloway went missing five years ago and was presumed murdered, and his friends and alibi providers Deepak and Satish Kalpoe were arrested three times each. No one was ever charged with the crime and her body was never found.

Here's the breakdown of the Enquirer cover.

• EXCLUSIVE
  
• Natalee Holloway's suspected killer STRIKES AGAIN!
• DEATH SCENE PHOTOS
• What happened in hotel room
• Why he snapped
• The largest picture is of van der Sloot, with large pictures of the crime scene as well. There are two small pictures of Holloway and Flores.

Here's the take in People of the same basic evidence.

• HOLLOWAY CASE BOMBSHELL
• JUSTICE FOR NATALEE?
• Suspect Joran van der Sloot confesses to a murder in Peru. Will he now tell the
  truth about what really happened in Aruba to the missing American teen?
• The largest picture is of Natalee, with smaller pictures of van der Sloot and Flores. No crime scene shots.

The main difference is the focus on the crime, short catchy phrases versus complete sentences and the use of exclamation points versus question marks. Even when the Flagship does the right thing and calls van der Sloot the suspected killer, they negate that legal nicety by using the phrase "STRIKES AGAIN" in caps. If we want to believe in the law, a difficult proposition in the best of times, there is only one legal entity willing to charge him with murder, and that's Peru, where the evidence against him looks very strong.

And there's the difference between them in a nutshell.

Compare and contrast:The Enquirer and People run nearly identical cover stories

Publications: National Enquirer, People
Date: 21 June 2010

I have given the National Enquirer and People the nicknames The Flagship and The Gold Standard, respectively. The Enquirer is the big budget rag in the American Media Inc. stable, which includes the Globe, Sun, National Examiner and Star. Kennel might be a more accurate metaphor. People is owned by Time, Inc., and in general acts like a news magazine with a focus towards celebrity stories.

In general, the Enquirer is meaner and uses more paid informants, while People tends to interview the subjects of their stories, and if those subjects come off looking bad, it's because they get hung on their own quotes. This week, both use the majority of their front covers to discuss the arrest of Joran van der Sloot in Peru for the murder of Stephany Flores Ramirez. He has confessed to this crime already. Van der Sloot was arrested twice in Aruba when Natalee Holloway went missing five years ago and was presumed murdered, and his friends and alibi providers Deepak and Satish Kalpoe were arrested three times each. No one was ever charged with the crime and her body was never found.

Here's the breakdown of the Enquirer cover.

• EXCLUSIVE
  
• Natalee Holloway's suspected killer STRIKES AGAIN!
• DEATH SCENE PHOTOS
• What happened in hotel room
• Why he snapped
• The largest picture is of van der Sloot, with large pictures of the crime scene as well. There are two small pictures of Holloway and Flores.

Here's the take in People of the same basic evidence.

• HOLLOWAY CASE BOMBSHELL
• JUSTICE FOR NATALEE?
• Suspect Joran van der Sloot confesses to a murder in Peru. Will he now tell the
  truth about what really happened in Aruba to the missing American teen?
• The largest picture is of Natalee, with smaller pictures of van der Sloot and Flores. No crime scene shots.

The main difference is the focus on the crime, short catchy phrases versus complete sentences and the use of exclamation points versus question marks. Even when the Flagship does the right thing and calls van der Sloot the suspected killer, they negate that legal nicety by using the phrase "STRIKES AGAIN" in caps. If we want to believe in the law, a difficult proposition in the best of times, there is only one legal entity willing to charge him with murder, and that's Peru, where the evidence against him looks very strong.

And there's the difference between them in a nutshell.