Bells Are Ringing Alert™ and On The Rocks Alert: This week's stories about The Bachelorette.

Publications: OK!, In Touch, Us Weekly, National Enquirer
Date: 8 August 2011

The stories this week about The Bachelorette either focus on Ashley or on J.P. Here are the headlines about her.

• National Enquirer: Bachelorette was rigged!
  Ashley's fake script and tears
• Us Weekly: Bachelorette Exclusive: Ashley says yes!
  

And the ones about J.P.

• OK!: The Bachelorette: J.P.'s secrets revealed
• In Touch: JP's secret double life
  Ashley fooled again!
  He's still madly in love with his ex, Stephanie
  A shocking celeb hook-up
  The real reason he went on the show
  Why marrying him could be Ashley's worst mistake ever!
  

This is why the gossip rags love the reality shows. They can write whatever they want without fear of losing access.

Breaking news: Kim Kardashian wedding date set for August 20.

Publication: TMZ online
Date: 29 July 2011

TMZ publishes a picture of a wedding invitation for Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. The date is Saturday, August 20, three weeks from tomorrow. It says black tie.

We'll see soon enough if this is the real deal or not.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™ and Rich People are Rich: This week's Jen and Justin news.

Publications: In Touch, Star
Date: 8 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Two new stories about the Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux romance are in the supermarket rags this week, and they both point in the same positive direction. Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Jen & Justin: $60 million mansion
• Star: Jen and Justin set the date (Exclusive)

I don't know if any of the stories can be trusted, but I do know with recent pictures, Justin has finally shaved off that ridiculous beard.

It may be his "deer in the headlights" look, but I'm going to have to get used to this. I imagine Jen feels the same.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™ and Rich People are Rich: This week's Jen and Justin news.

Publications: In Touch, Star
Date: 8 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Two new stories about the Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux romance are in the supermarket rags this week, and they both point in the same positive direction. Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Jen & Justin: $60 million mansion
• Star: Jen and Justin set the date (Exclusive)

I don't know if any of the stories can be trusted, but I do know with recent pictures, Justin has finally shaved off that ridiculous beard.

It may be his "deer in the headlights" look, but I'm going to have to get used to this. I imagine Jen feels the same.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™ and Rich People are Rich: This week's Jen and Justin news.

Publications: In Touch, Star
Date: 8 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Two new stories about the Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux romance are in the supermarket rags this week, and they both point in the same positive direction. Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Jen & Justin: $60 million mansion
• Star: Jen and Justin set the date (Exclusive)

I don't know if any of the stories can be trusted, but I do know with recent pictures, Justin has finally shaved off that ridiculous beard.

It may be his "deer in the headlights" look, but I'm going to have to get used to this. I imagine Jen feels the same.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Kim picks the dress.

Publication: OK!
Date: 1 August 2011

Kim Kardashian's upcoming wedding is the only story from that family the Only Ten Magazines That Matter are interested in right now. This cover is from the middle of March before the official announcement was given to People, when OK! said she would be wearing Vera Wang.

They also said the wedding would rival William and Kate's, but I think we all know that's far fetched.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Kim picks the dress.

Publication: OK!
Date: 1 August 2011

Kim Kardashian's upcoming wedding is the only story from that family the Only Ten Magazines That Matter are interested in right now. This cover is from the middle of March before the official announcement was given to People, when OK! said she would be wearing Vera Wang.

They also said the wedding would rival William and Kate's, but I think we all know that's far fetched.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Kim picks the dress.

Publication: OK!
Date: 1 August 2011

Kim Kardashian's upcoming wedding is the only story from that family the Only Ten Magazines That Matter are interested in right now. This cover is from the middle of March before the official announcement was given to People, when OK! said she would be wearing Vera Wang.

They also said the wedding would rival William and Kate's, but I think we all know that's far fetched.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: A proposal on The Bachelorette

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 1 August 2011

Because the break-up of J. Lo and Marc Anthony took up so much space this week, other stories get short shrift. No Teen Mom, thank Odin, Krishna and the little baby Jebus, and only one update on the latest season of The Bachelorette. Here are the headlines from Weekly Life & Style.

• Ashley says yes in Fiji
• 3.5 carat ring from her dream guy
• She gushes to Life and Style "I'M SO HAPPY"
• JP says "I love you"
• Her romantic date with Ben F.

I can see why she's so happy. She gets to travel, she got a ring from a guy who tells her he loves her, AND she still gets to have romantic dates with other guys.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: A proposal on The Bachelorette

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 1 August 2011

Because the break-up of J. Lo and Marc Anthony took up so much space this week, other stories get short shrift. No Teen Mom, thank Odin, Krishna and the little baby Jebus, and only one update on the latest season of The Bachelorette. Here are the headlines from Weekly Life & Style.

• Ashley says yes in Fiji
• 3.5 carat ring from her dream guy
• She gushes to Life and Style "I'M SO HAPPY"
• JP says "I love you"
• Her romantic date with Ben F.

I can see why she's so happy. She gets to travel, she got a ring from a guy who tells her he loves her, AND she still gets to have romantic dates with other guys.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: A proposal on The Bachelorette

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 1 August 2011

Because the break-up of J. Lo and Marc Anthony took up so much space this week, other stories get short shrift. No Teen Mom, thank Odin, Krishna and the little baby Jebus, and only one update on the latest season of The Bachelorette. Here are the headlines from Weekly Life & Style.

• Ashley says yes in Fiji
• 3.5 carat ring from her dream guy
• She gushes to Life and Style "I'M SO HAPPY"
• JP says "I love you"
• Her romantic date with Ben F.

I can see why she's so happy. She gets to travel, she got a ring from a guy who tells her he loves her, AND she still gets to have romantic dates with other guys.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Bride wars: Kim vs. Jess!

Publication: OK!
Date: 25 July 2011

Could we go a whole week Kardashian free in the The Only Ten Magazines That Matter? Well, it is technically possible, it's just damned rare. We got as close to zero as we can without actually being zero when there is just a half a story about Kim Kardashian having a "bride war".

The other combatant is Jessica Simpson, so it kinda counts like half a story for each.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: BrAngelina getting married!

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 25 July 2011

Us Weekly joins the chorus of gossip rags saying BrAngelina will finally tie the knot. The headline reads "Finally! Why Angelina and Brad decided to make it official this summer."

In Touch had stories that they are already married at the beginning of the year. OK! has said they would marry three times this year. People, the reliable one, reported that Brad said "we might marry".

As usual, the couple does not bother confirming or denying anything.

She Fought The Law (and won) Alert™: A passel of Casey Anthony stories.

Publications: National Enquirer, National Examiner, Globe, Star, In Touch
Date: 25 July 2010

If we ignore the Sun, which is usually about the end of the world, the five meanest gossip rags are the other four published by AMI (National Enquirer, the low rent Examiner, Globe, Star) and In Touch. All five of those have Casey Anthony stories this week. Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Casey and her lawyer: getting physical!
• National Examiner: Casey Anthony verdict: what do you think?
• Globe: Casey Anthony marked for death!
  Chilling threat targets Monster Mom
• Star: Casey Anthony ca$hing in (OUTRAGE!)
• National Enquirer: Casey Anthony Wedding Bombshell
  Secret new life of America's most hated woman
  Another baby to replace Caylee
  $50K plastic surgery makeover
  Where she'll live and more

For a little outrage overspill, the Enquirer has a picture of the judge in the case and a story from his mistress blabbing about his cheating.

This is a lot of stories, but only counts as a single week's coverage by my way of counting. We will see if she remains gossip-worthy as the year continues.

Bells are Ringing Alert™: Three big weddings.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 18 July 2011

Three weddings get mentions on the cover of Weekly Life & Style this week.

Kate Moss married some rock star.

Prince Albert II of Monaco turned an South African swimmer into a princess.

His outfit is pretty fabulous, too. From what I've heard, this was not by accident.

And Ugly Betty star America Ferrera made a lovely bride as well.

Best wishes to all concerned.

Bells are Ringing Alert™: All the Kim Kardashian stories for the week.

Publications: OK!, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 18 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Like Wills'N'Kate, Kim Kardashian is getting the "at least one story a week" treatment in the supermarket rags before her marriage. Unlike Wills'N'Kate, the date has not been set yet, though the rumors are it will be this summer, which means less than three months away. Here are the headlines.

• OK!: First look at Kim's wedding dress
• Weekly Life & Style: Kim's wedding panic!
  Last minute doubts
  family fights
  guest-list snubs
  the dress doesn't fit - 15 lbs. to lose!
  Did she jump into this too soon?

This follows the general pattern of the past few weeks. OK! has had headlines that paint the situation in a positive light, why Weekly Life & Style has been say it's going to be a train wreck.

Let me say this. Kris Humphries is a young millionaire in top physical condition having sex with Kim Kardashian, and I'm starting to feel pity for the guy.

How wrong is that?

Damn You Skinny Alert™ in the future: Kim promises to be a size 2 bride.

Publication: OK!
Date: 11 July 2011

The rest of the Kardashian family is taking a back seat to Kim now that she's announced she's getting married. OK! says she will be in a size 2 wedding dress.

I know men's suits have extra instructions, like a 42 Long. Is there such a thing as a 2 Wide dress?

Obviously, Kim does not shop off the rack.

Getting the Teen Mom stuff out of the way for 11 July.

Publications: OK!, In Touch, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 11 July 2011

Three Teen Mom stories this week, two about the failure named Amber Portwood and one about the relative success named Catelynn Lowell. Here are the headlines.

• OK!: Losing Leah: After rehab, Amber fears she'll never see her baby again.
• In Touch: Amber's tears: "My baby doesn't know me"
• Weekly Life & Style: Teen Mom Catelynn: College, wedding and babies
  
  

Bells are Ringing Alert™: Jessica Simpson to wed in Hawaii.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 11 July 2011

Back in December, there were a bunch of stories about Jessica Simpson "racing to the altar". Here it is July and the wedding is still yet to come, so it seems like a pretty leisurely "race". The latest detail is the wedding will take place in Hawaii.

Best wishes to the happy couple.

Love Bird Alert™ and hussy alert: More about Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux.

Publications: People, Star, In Touch
Date: 11 July 2011

Eventually, Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux will be together long enough to have a nice picture of them together. As it stands, they are always being photobombed in one way or another. (The person you can see who seems to be annoying them is Jason Sudelkis.)

In any case, there are three stories in the supermaket rags about them this week. Here are the headlines.

• People: Jen & Justin Romantic NYC weekend
• In Touch: Justin & Jen talking marriage
• Star: Justin & Jen: his jilted ex speaks out

Ah, the good old predictable Star. No punch bowl is complete unless there's a turd in it.