On the Rocks Alert and Not Long 4 This World Alert:George H.W. Bush tells George W. to get his act together before the old man dies

(Photo by MIKE THEILER/Getty Images North America)

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 12 July 2010

I've been reading the headlines of the tabloids for six months straight, and if there is a significant difference between the Globe and the Examiner, I haven't figured it out yet. They are both mean, they both like the Hey Old Timer Gossip, they are both owned by American Media, Inc., they tend to attack the same people, most of whom are completely ignored by the other eight of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter.

One minor difference. The Globe has a website so I can see a shrunk down version of the new cover on Wednesday that will be on the stands on Thursday. The Examiner doesn't have a website, the cheap bastids. Often, if the Globe runs a mean story about someone whom none of the other tabloids will gossip about, the Examiner will follow suit.

The story of the marital strife of George W. and Laura Bush has ping-ponged back and forth between the Globe and the Examiner this year, and this week Daddy Bush is thrown into the mix for the first time. The father tells his son to fix his marriage before the old man dies.

I debated whether this really counted as a Not Long 4 This World Alert, and decided in the affirmative due to the death of Prescott Bush last month, who at 87 was just one year older than George H.W. Also, since H.W. was ambassador to the U.N. before I graduated high school, this counts as Hey Old Timer gossip as well.

Here's where I'm supposed to give my best wishes to the family and friends of George Herbert Walker Bush.

meh.