Okay, here's how it works. I'll be checking out the tabloids each week as I go to the supermarket, and I'll report on several types of items, all of which can be checked for veracity later.
1) Brave Last Days alerts. Whenever a celebrity is given only a little while to live in the tabloids, I will report on it and give the source.
2) Not Long 4 This World alerts.Slightly different from Brave Last Days, this is a prediction with a length of six months to a few years instead of a few days to a few weeks.
3) On The Rocks alerts.Whenever a celebrity couple is predicted to be breaking up in the tabloids, I will report on it and gve the source.
4) Bun In The Oven Alert™.
Any report of a celebrity pregnancy will be considered rumor until confirmed by the celebrity or the birth takes place, whichever comes first.
5) Bells Are Ringing Alert™.
Pending nuptials.
6) Skeeter Davis Alert™.
The end of the world is given a specific date.
7) Leaving the Love Boat™.If the story of a celebrity divorce is in the mainstream press before it's in the tabloids, this is a black mark against them.
8) Gone Before They Knew It™.
If a major celebrity or a young celebrity dies and there was no heads up in the tabloids first, this also counts against the tabloid industry. The death of Brittany Murphy is a prime example of this, but it happened before New Years 2010, so it is not counted against them. There will be polls for the readers to determine if a celebrity was big enough to warrant a Brave Last Days Alert or Not Long 4 This World Alert.
9) On The Rocks updates. If a story of a celebrity couple in trouble was in the mainstream press before it hit the tabs, any prediction of a divorce only gets partial credit.
10) Enboobening Alert™
Sometimes a celebrity will admit to breast enhancement, sometimes the tab just speculate because a celebrity looks more zaftig.
11) He Fought The Law Alert™If someone gets arrested, whether the report is in the tabs or the real press, it will get a play here. I realize the title is sexist, but if we run into a lot of female arrests, we will change the category name.
There will also be the reports of actual celebrity deaths and actual celebrity breakups. I will mark when the tabloids get it right and when they get it wrong and when they miss a story they should have caught. I'm going to start fresh with the 2010 editions of the tabs, though I will try to do some back research if a celebrity dies or a couple breaks up that had been predicted previously. For instance, the current "Not Long 4 This World" list would include Dick Clark, Kirstie Alley and Oprah Winfrey, and the "On The Rocks" list always includes BrAngelina and TomKat.
Matty Boy, is this just you being obsessive-compulsive about numbers again?
Yes, hypothetical question asker, it is. And I'm glad to have you on board for the new blog.
