Damn You Fat and Skinny Alerts™:Good and bad beach bodies, but mostly bad

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 8 Mar. 2010

Showing celebrities in swimwear and then mocking or praising them is very common on the covers of celebrity magazines. The Flagship says on the cover it will show the best and worst beach bodies, but they only give praise to one celebrity in a swimsuit on the cover and slag all the rest. There was one bad "Guess Who?" with the face covered up, so I opened the magazine to find out who and it was some reality TV person I've never heard of. So here's the line-up on the cover, minus the "Guess Who?"

Tori Spelling, 36: Damn You Skinny. Lots of skeleton showing.
Mrs. Pierce Brosnan, Keely Shaye Smith, 46: Damn You Fat. She's a big girl.
Mariska Hargitay, 46: Damn You Fat. Leaning forward in a two piece, there's some roll around her tummy.
Fran Drescher, 52: Damn You Fat. Cellulite on thighs.
Katie Couric 53: Damn You Skinny. She's the only one who gets high marks of the people on the cover, and she has the sense to wear a one piece black swimsuit, which can hide a lot of flaws. If she wore a two piece, they might have easily snapped an unflattering picture of her as well.

This is one of those stories that makes me a little queasy to write this blog.

Bells are Ringing Alert:Simon Cowell and Mezghan Hussainy

Publication: Globe
Date: 8 Mar. 2010

While Tuesday will feature stories about fat and way too skinny, here are two people who are very pleasantly trim and attractive.

He is a fathead, however.

The Globe says Simon Cowell, aggressively middlebrow jerk, is getting married to his longtime girlfriend Mezghan Hussainy. She has been seen wearing a very large ring. Representatives for Cowell are denying the marriage rumors, but you can't deny she wearing a big rock.

Make of this what you will.

Damn You Skinny Alert™:Kelly Osbourne loses 42 pounds

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 8 Mar. 2010

Kelly Osbourne, daughter of Ozzie, has trimmed down considerably, losing 42 pounds (19 kg), which is quite a lot for anyone and most especially for someone 5'2" (1 m 57).

Among the quotes attributed to Ms. Osbourne is that it is worse to be fat than to be on drugs, and she'd rather be called ugly than fat.

This girl has got to stop hanging out with Amy Winehouse.

Damn You Skinny Alert™:Nicole Eggert loses weight

Publication: People
Date: 8 Mar. 2010

We'll see how long this pattern can be maintained, but I'm going to reserve Tuesdays for the stories about weight gain and weight loss. Former Baywatch babe Nicole Eggert went on Celebrity Fit Club and lost 15 pounds, and now she feels better about appearing in public in a swimsuit.

Isn't this the top priority for all 38 year old women? God knows you wouldn't want to go through all the trouble of being a good person or improving your mind. That's hard work!

On the rocks alert:Elin betrayed again

Publication: OK!
Date: 8 Mar. 2010

This week, OK! goes with mostly positive headlines, but this is the exception. How has Elin been betrayed? That's for people who actually open the magazine to know.

I didn't read the article, but other sources say that Elin never asked for thee public apology and is annoyed at Tiger for doing it. I don't know if that's the story OK! is going with, but it very well might be.

Man Slut Alert™:Tiger Woods flunks lie detector test

Publication: Globe
Date: 8 Mar. 2010

The Globe reports that Tiger Woods flunked a lie detector test. Who was making him take a lie detector test and what he lied about, you'll have to pick up the Globe to find that out.

Not to defend him, but a lie detector test? Really? Did we force George W. Bush or Dick Cheney or Donald Rumsfeld to take lie detector tests? How about the folks who brought Enron crashing down or the guys running Goldman Sachs?

The answers to all those questions, of course, are no. Killing thousands or stealing billions doesn't rate, while screwing dozens does.

If we really paid as much attention to our government as we do to Tiger Woods or The Bachelor, we might have something like a representative democracy. I'm not sure what you call what we have right now.

U2 - 1981-08-29 - Gateshead Festival

U2
1981-08-29 - Gateshead Festival
Gateshead England
soundboard

01 With a Shout
02 11 O'clock Tick Tock
03 I Will Follow
04 An Cat Dubh
05 Into The Heart
06 Another Time Another Place
07 The Cry -> The Electric Co.
08 I Threw A Brick Through A Window
09 Stories For Boys
10 Out Of Control
encore:
11 I Will Follow
12 Fire

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download covers here