Birther Crap:Barack Obama not born in U.S.!

Publication: Globe
Date: 12 July 2010

The editors at the Globe finally pulled their collective heads out of their collective asses, a difficult and painful process, and tried their hand at adding one and one.

The first one: They print unsubstantiated lies for a living.

The second one: The most popular unsubstantiated lie around is that Barack Obama wasn't born in the U.S. of A., a lie believed by a lot more people than the dwindling number who buy the Globe on a regular basis.

Voila! This week's cover is all about their new information that blows the whole birther story wide open. They even have a government official who tells all. Maybe they finally got in touch with that guy E.F. Lavender who signed the birth certificate in Kenya!

Except he's a laundry detergent.

Oopsie.

Birther Crap:Barack Obama not born in U.S.!

Publication: Globe
Date: 12 July 2010

The editors at the Globe finally pulled their collective heads out of their collective asses, a difficult and painful process, and tried their hand at adding one and one.

The first one: They print unsubstantiated lies for a living.

The second one: The most popular unsubstantiated lie around is that Barack Obama wasn't born in the U.S. of A., a lie believed by a lot more people than the dwindling number who buy the Globe on a regular basis.

Voila! This week's cover is all about their new information that blows the whole birther story wide open. They even have a government official who tells all. Maybe they finally got in touch with that guy E.F. Lavender who signed the birth certificate in Kenya!

Except he's a laundry detergent.

Oopsie.

On the Rocks Alert:BP boss in sex scandal

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 12 July 2010

The Flagship has figured out what they do best, which is tell stories of powerful men with their pants down. It worked for them with John Edwards and now they trying to make it work with Al Gore. They also have a headline without a picture this week about the boss at BP being involved in a sex scandal.

The reason for no picture is that the boss being referred to in the story is the chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg, the tall fella on the left. Svanberg hasn't had much public exposure during the current disaster, not like CEO Tony Hayward, one of the most incompetent spokespersons for an embattled organization in recent memory.

If they had caught Hayward, they absolutely would have included a picture with the headline.

On the Rocks Alert:BP boss in sex scandal

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 12 July 2010

The Flagship has figured out what they do best, which is tell stories of powerful men with their pants down. It worked for them with John Edwards and now they trying to make it work with Al Gore. They also have a headline without a picture this week about the boss at BP being involved in a sex scandal.

The reason for no picture is that the boss being referred to in the story is the chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg, the tall fella on the left. Svanberg hasn't had much public exposure during the current disaster, not like CEO Tony Hayward, one of the most incompetent spokespersons for an embattled organization in recent memory.

If they had caught Hayward, they absolutely would have included a picture with the headline.

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow Alert™:World War III is NOT narrowly averted in June 2010

In early May, the Sun published predictions from Nostradamus for the rest of the year. The first specific time period was the month of June, when a terrorist attack incorrectly blamed on some country was supposed to almost start World War III. The closest thing to the start of a worldwide conflagration was the sabre rattling between the Koreas, but that story shares none of the details from the prediction.

The next date to watch out for... July 4!

Stay tuned.

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow Alert™:World War III is NOT narrowly averted in June 2010

In early May, the Sun published predictions from Nostradamus for the rest of the year. The first specific time period was the month of June, when a terrorist attack incorrectly blamed on some country was supposed to almost start World War III. The closest thing to the start of a worldwide conflagration was the sabre rattling between the Koreas, but that story shares none of the details from the prediction.

The next date to watch out for... July 4!

Stay tuned.

Six month review:Notices of deaths and births

Deaths and death predictions

Not all of the tabloids predict the deaths of celebrities on a regular basis. The vast majority of the Not Long 4 This World and Brave Last Days alerts come from the three nastiest rags, the Enquirer, Examiner and Globe, all three owned by American Media Inc. Here is a list of the people marked for death by magazines other than the Morbid Three.

Bret Michaels: After his hospitalization and recovery, he returned to bad habits, and this was noted by People, Us Weekly, In Touch and Star. As of this writing, Bret is still alive and hasn't had another serious episode.

Tori Spelling: Weekly Life & Style used the phrase "starving to death" on the cover. It could easily be argued it was just a figure of speech rather than an actual prediction.

Marie Osmond: The Star is owned by the same company as the Nasty Three, and both the Star and the Enquirer reported Marie was suicidal in the same week early in March.

There have been three correct predictions: Gary Coleman, Dennis Hopper and Rue McLanahan.

As of June 30, 2010, there are also 34 people on the watch list who are still alive: Andy Griffith, Anne Francis, Barbara Billingsley, Bill Clinton, Billy Graham, Bret Michaels, Britney Spears, Burt Reynolds, Camilla Parker-Bowles, Charlie Daniels, Cher, Dick Clark, Doris Day, Elizabeth Edwards, Elizabeth Taylor, Eminem, James Garner, Katherine Jackson (Michael's mom), Kiefer Sutherland, Kirsten Dunst, Kirstie Alley, Loretta Lynn, Mariah Carey, Marie Osmond, Mike Connors, Oprah Winfrey, Paris Hilton, Penny Marshall, Portia De Rossi, Queen Elizabeth II, Rush Limbaugh, Sandy Brooks (Garth's ex-wife), Sarah Ferguson, Tori Spelling and Whitney Houston.

3 correct out of 37 is a batting average of .081, truly and deeply pathetic.

Births and birth predictions

Here is the list of confirmed celebrity pregnancies as of this writing.

Alicia Keys, Kelly Preston and Celine Dion. Dion is expecting twins.

The Enquirer and Star have said Preston is expecting twins. This has been denied.

Here is the list of of women we have been told are pregnant who either deny the rumor completely or no confirmation can be found. Many of these pregnancy rumors are the result of a female celebrity committing the crime of being fat in public. Others have come from women making some remark about wanting to have kids in the future. Melissa Smith, one of the women Jesse James had sex with, was seen leaving a drug store with a home pregnancy test.

Angelina Jolie, Beyonce Knowles, Courteney Cox, E'dina Hines (love interest and step-granddaughter of Morgan Freeman), Elin Nordegren, Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas, Gayle King, Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, Katie Holmes, Kendra Wilkinson, Khloe Kardashian, Kim Kardashian, Kim Mathers (Eminem's ex-wife), Kristen Stewart, Kristi Gibson (Bret Michael's girlfriend), Mariah Carey (twins predicted), Melissa Smith (skanky ho linked to Jesse James), Rachel Uchitel and Sandra Bullock.

If we include the incorrect prediction of twins for Preston as a separate case, we have 3 correct stories out of 24, which is a batting average of .125, better than the death predictions but still horrible.

Later this week, we'll have the record of the predictions of weddings and divorces.