Rachel Ray cookbook giveaway.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 19 January 2011

Let the other gossip rags tell their readers about diets that work and exercise routines. For the readers of the low rent Examiner, the only actual gossip rag without an online presence (the Sun and their predictions of the Apocalypse are really gossip), they know that for their readers, bikini season ended in 1975, if not earlier. Instead, they offer a giveaway of the Rachel Ray cookbook, so you can get a butt this big or bigger, only without the nice gams or relatively slender tummy to go with it.

Damn You Skinny Alert™:Trainers tell all about sexy abs

Publication: In Touch
Date: 10 January 2011

A lot of stories about diets and training regimens on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter this week. The cover of In Touch had a picture of an unidentified young woman with the headline "SEXY ABS! Trainers tell all". I had to open the magazine to find out it was Audrina Patridge, not exactly an A-List celebrity but she does look good in a swimsuit.

Breaking news:Anne Francis dead at 80

Publication: USA Today online
Date: 3 January 2010

Anne Francis, the lovely actress best known for her roles in the sci-fi classic Forbidden Planet and the 1960s private detective show Honey West, has died at the age of 80 today. The cause was pancreatic cancer. The low rent Examiner reported on her health problems last June. She died almost exactly a month after her Forbidden Planet co-star Leslie Nielsen.

Best wishes to the family and friends of Miss Francis, from a fan.

Damn You Skinny Alert™:How Kim lost ten pounds in two weeks.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 10 January 2011

Here it is Monday and there hasn't been a single Kardashian story. Have the supermarket rags finally grown tired of them, Matty Boy?

No, hypothetical question asker, I just decided to wait to publish until now, giving my readers a massive burst of Kardashian goodness on a Monday after the holiday, when most of us have to get back to the grind.

Yet again, we are supposed to believe that little Kim Kardashian, whose only job seems to be getting her picture taken wearing about this much clothing, can't wait to stop posing naked so she can dive into boxes of Little Debbie snack cakes and pack on the pounds, only to live a monastic existence for a fortnight to lose the weight she must shed for the next time she flaunts her big boobies in front of a cameraman.

Honestly, I think if her weight every gets three pounds over optimal nakedness, her team of trainers go to Defcon 2 and catastrophe is averted.

Damn You Skinny Alert™:Stars lose weight (and you should,too.)

Publication: OK!
Date: 10 January 2011

The tabloids know the holidays are over and a lot of the readers in line at the supermarkets are thinking about how to lose the pounds. And who could be more inspiring to dieters than women with no jobs other than to look good?

According to OK!, Kourtney lost 45 pounds.

And Kendra lost 15 pounds.

And now, Bachelorette Ali has her flattest abs ever.

To be all mathematically precise, her abs aren't really flat, but more bumpy.

But bumpy in a good way.

Khloe and Lamar to get their own show.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 10 January 2011

Just in case the world is still hungry for any and all things Kardashian, Us Weekly reports that Khloe Kardashian and her husband Lamar Odom will be getting their own show.

I'm guessing it will be something like Kendra's show, only without the monumental levels of stupid.

Bells Done Rung™ Alert:Shania's Revenge

Publication: Star
Date: 10 January 2011

For those of you who entered this story in the middle, Shania Twain got engaged and now married to the former husband of the woman who stole Shania's husband.

The gossip rags call a lot of things "revenge". For example, staying in shape after you break up with someone is called "revenge" instead of "a good idea for your love life and entertainment career". Testifying in court is called "revenge" instead of "testifying in court". Trying to make sure your kid has a stable home after a divorce is "revenge" instead of "responsible parenting".

But stealing the ex-husband of your husband stealer, I think that fairly counts as revenge.