Bun In The Oven Alert™:Khloe Kardashian, pregnant and betrayed

Publication: OK!
Date: 31 January 2011

Is Khloe Kardashian pregnant? A lot of gossip sources say yes, and the family isn't saying. The fact that she and hubby Lamar Odom are getting their own show would point to yes. But of course, to keep a story going, you need a new twist, and this week OK! says that she has been betrayed by some unnamed party. From what I know about their show, somebody is always having a tiff with someone else, but then something else happens and all is mended again.

On the rocks alert:Jake's cruel rebound.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 31 January 2011

In the fall, they were the cutest new celebrity couple, but fall turned to winter and Jake and Taylor were through. Who's to blame? The Only Ten Magazines That Matter would have it that he was a cad, but now a new wrinkle has been added.

Or should I say a new lack of wrinkles? Welcome to (adult) gossip hell, Camilla Belle! Weeks after breaking up with Taylor, Jake has been seen escorting the 24 year old actress around. The thing that makes this cruel, according to In Touch, is that Camilla also stole Taylor's last boyfriend away as well.

Ms. Belle has been working in films since before she was ten and, like almost anyone that age in the business these days, spent time working in projects for the Disney Channel. She was previously romantically linked with Joe Jonas, if that is the correct adverb.

You So Crazy Alert™:Sarah Palin breakdown!

Publication: Globe
Date: 31 January 2011

Sarah Palin wanted fame and fortune and now she's got it. It may not last, but early this year she is one of the favorite targets of The Three Wicked Step Sisters, the Enquirer, Globe and the low rent Examiner. The Enquirer had a story this week about Todd tomcatting around on her, and now the Globe is reporting she is having a breakdown, saying the tragedy in Tuscon has pushed her over the edge.

Sarah Palin has a lot of qualities that make some people love her and some people hate her. She speaks to her base very effectively, she's physically attractive, her story resonates with regular folks trying to get by. She also is very confrontational and nothing is ever, ever her fault. But I think the thing that has made her go through the roof and even catch the attention of the tabloids is the instant celebrity part of her story. In some ways, she's like Susan Boyle or Joe The Plumber or the homeless announcer guy Ted Williams, but unlike them, the press cannot seem to get enough of her, for good or for ill.

Demon Rum Alert™:Jennifer Aniston heading to rehab

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 31 January 2011

There are several types of Jennifer Aniston stories. There are the "she looks hot" stories, there are the "she's getting Brad back" stories, there are the "she can't find a fella" stories and the "she hates Angie or vice versa" stories. Last week, the Globe fired the opening salvo in an entirely new front on the tabloid assault on Jennifer Aniston.

Jennifer Aniston is a drunk.

The story from last week has taken a step up from the Globe to the Enquirer, which says that she has binges with vodka, wine, tequila and champagne (hopefully not all in the same evening) and she is headed to rehab, which usually means the editors of the magazine think she should go to rehab, though she may have other ideas, a la Amy Winehouse.

As always, I have no inside information, but if she's still palling around with Chelsea Handler and trying to keep up with her, she may be headed for trouble

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Angelina bullying Jen again

Publication: In Touch
Date: 31 January 2011

Just in case your calendar is on the fritz, you might need reminding that Brad Pitt left Jennifer Aniston six years ago now to hook up with Angelina Jolie. According to The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, it happened about a week ago. It's Hollywood's Evergreen Betrayal.

So In Touch needs to tell us that Queen Bitch Angelina Jolie is bullying poor little nice girl Jennifer Aniston again. Probably stealing her lunch money or making her sit at the table with all the math geeks or something.

Noah & The Whale - Wild Thing

London, England. They're always get me with their soft ballad sound. I discovered them when I hear a Austrian commercial on the radio. It was "5 Year Times" and its intro starts with whistling the melody. A kind of happy song. But still a ballad. My next favorite song is "Blue Skies" which is a definitely a pure ballad and very very soft and gently and sad. Cause the lyrics tells about the time shortly after a break up. Now my history of loving this band continues. "Wild Thing", try out this ballad. Oh, by the way, the new album "Last Night On Earth" will be released in March.

Noah and the Whale - Wild Thing by Pretty Much Amazing

Meanest Story nominee:Double dose of fat Oprah (and Gayle)!

Publications: Globe, National Examiner
Date: 31 January 2011

I have speculated many times that the Three Wicked Step Sisters, the Enquirer, Globe and the low rent Examiner, are not really competitors for stories, but instead collude as to not step on each others' headlines. This week we have evidence against my theory, as both the Globe and the low rent Examiner go after Oprah Winfrey yet again, this time for being fat.

Yet again.

The Globe just attacks the Queen. "Oprah's 30 lb. mac and cheese binge!" Note the irony that the woman who could buy Australia is getting fat on the preferred food of broke ass college students everywhere.

The low rent Examiner surprisingly digs deeper. "Oprah/Gayle pack on 100 lbs. binge eating over failing new network!" They have a very unflattering picture allegedly of Gayle, usually the much trimmer of the two.

And so we get the first pair of stories to share a Meanest Story nominee.