Mid year review for 2011, part two: Birth predictions.

While the main gossip rags that predict deaths are just the Three Wicked Step Sisters, the Enquirer, Globe and low rent Examiner, a whole slew of the mags will tell their readers some celebrity is pregnant. The common thread is how unreliable these stories are.

The way I count these predictions is to go back six to nine months and list all the Bun In The Oven Alerts. That means this review is dealing with stories from October, November and December of 2010. Here are the stories that actually panned out.

Mariah Carey
Pink
Natalie Portman

Here are the stories that were so much balloon juice.

Angelina Jolie
Khloe Kardashian (twice)
Kim Kardashian
Kourtney Kardashian (three times)
Beyoncé Knowles
Kate Middleton
Elin Nordegren
Willow Palin
LeAnn Rimes
Jessica Simpson
Carrie Underwood
Kendra Wilkinson
Trisha Yearwood

Three true stories, sixteen lies. Batting average of .158, not as stinky as the death predictions, but still AMAZINGLY unreliable.

This underscores the reason I started this blog in the first place. If the supermarket rags are this bad at stuff that can be verified or proven false, imagine how bad they are at the stuff that just remains rumor.

Mid year review for 2011, part one: Death predictions.

So far in 2011, the vultures of the tabloids, which usually means the Enquirer, Globe and low rent Examiner, have given death predictions for a total of 30 celebrities, three of whom have died in these past six months, Miss Elizabeth Taylor, James Arness and Peter Falk. That works out to a batting average of .100, which is pretty darn sad no matter how you slice it.

The overall record since the beginning of 2010 is 10 correct predictions out of 84, a slightly better but still stinky .119. Of course, if they just stop predicting and wait, their batting average will eventually be 1.000. That's how this game works. But it's not in their nature not to speculate on life and death, no matter how bad they suck at it.

Here are the new names added to the list since January that are still alive.

Larry Fortensky
Roy Clark
George Jones
Donna Fargo
Miss Kitty Wells
Dick Van Dyke
Nancy Reagan
Steve Jobs
Regis Philbin
Paula Deen
John Edwards
Chuck Berry
Miss Angela Lansbury
Miss Maureen O'Hara
Jack Klugman
Amber Portwood

Here are the people who have been mentioned since January, but are repeat customers from 2010, excluding Miss Elizabeth Taylor, who was pegged for death six times in the month before the end.

Miss Aretha Franklin x2
Miss Doris Day x2
Bob Barker x2
Billy Graham
Jerry Lee Lewis
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Whitney Houston
Charlie Sheen
Bill Clinton
James Garner
Miss Loretta Lynn

Best wishes to the people on the list, their family and friends, and double best wishes to the special ladies, Miss Loretta Lynn, Miss Kitty Wells, Miss Aretha Franklin, Miss Angela Lansbury, Miss Doris Day, and Miss Maureen O'Hara.

Björk - Crystalline

Reykjavik, Iceland. I've never felt comfortable when I listen to music of Björk. But the new single "Crystalline" is the first song which I like from the first second of listening. So, I have to rethink my averseness to Björk. Probably I should give her another try to get into my music collection. Thus, we should wait together for the forthcoming new album "Biophilia" which will be released on 26th September.

Download: Björk - Crystalline

Source: BF2D

Meanest story nominee: Miss Doris Day's dying wish!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 11 July 2011

The season has recently changed so it must be time for our quarterly "Doris Day is dying!" alert. The Globe had three of these stories last year and now the low rent Examiner publishes its second this year. (Once this year, Miss Day was comforting a dying James Garner instead of dying herself.) They add the detail that there is a tragic secret she is keeping from her fans.

In terms of repeated warnings, Miss Doris Day is far behind the treatment the vultures of the gutter press gave Miss Elizabeth Taylor, but slightly ahead of the number of times we've been told Billy Graham is soon to meet his maker.

Best wishes to Miss Day, her family, friends and pets.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Michelle storms out!

Publication: Globe
Date: 11 July 2011

If we were to accept the word from the AMI kennel, Michelle Obama is constantly in a raging bad mood, the American equivalent of Camilla Parker-Bowles. Here are the headlines.

• Hates life in the White House
• Shocking fights with Prez
  

On their website, they add the detail that she is moving out and taking the girls back to Chicago with her.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest Story nominee: Travolta baby autism shocker!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 11 July 2011

The Enquirer continues their war on fat Scientologists with a story that Benjamin Travolta, the new baby of John Travolta and Kelly Preston, is autistic. Here are the headlines.

• Doctor tells all
• John and Kelly in marriage counseling
• All their secrets
  

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Scoop of the week: Chris Hansen of To Catch A Predator caught cheating on videotape

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 11 July 2011

Chris Hansen, the guy from To Catch A Predator who videotapes men coming into homes with the hope of sweet talking some underaged girl into bed, has been caught on videotape sweet talking a woman past age of consent, but said woman is not his wife. Unlike most stories in the supermarket rags, this one has gained traction quickly in the mainstream press and qualifies as Scoop of the Week.