On the Rocks Alert times five:The Examiner rehashes old stories and hopes you won't notice.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 10 May 2010

There is a pattern in the Examiner to have a single headline carry multiple sub-stories. We've had the secrets of country and western music stars, the troubles with the law of celebrity kids, the standard "who's gay and who's not stuff" in the past few months, and now we have a bunch of celebrity divorces and break-ups under a single banner headline. Everything in this story has been published someplace else already, but the Examiner is hoping its older readers will have not seen all these before or maybe they have and they've just forgotten.

• Good Catholic Mel Gibson divorced his wife for a hot Russian chick, and he's already given her the bootski
• Richard Chamberlain has left the man he has lived with since Nixon was president
• Susan Sarandon has a hot new boy toy
• Melissa Ethridge and her wife are calling it quits
• Larry King had sex with his wife's sister

If you know you've already heard all these things before, you are obviously not the target market for the Examiner. They can wait, of course. Eventually you will not be able to eat solid food, and then the Examiner will be chock full of news you can use.

On the Rocks Alert times five:The Examiner rehashes old stories and hopes you won't notice.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 10 May 2010

There is a pattern in the Examiner to have a single headline carry multiple sub-stories. We've had the secrets of country and western music stars, the troubles with the law of celebrity kids, the standard "who's gay and who's not stuff" in the past few months, and now we have a bunch of celebrity divorces and break-ups under a single banner headline. Everything in this story has been published someplace else already, but the Examiner is hoping its older readers will have not seen all these before or maybe they have and they've just forgotten.

• Good Catholic Mel Gibson divorced his wife for a hot Russian chick, and he's already given her the bootski
• Richard Chamberlain has left the man he has lived with since Nixon was president
• Susan Sarandon has a hot new boy toy
• Melissa Ethridge and her wife are calling it quits
• Larry King had sex with his wife's sister

If you know you've already heard all these things before, you are obviously not the target market for the Examiner. They can wait, of course. Eventually you will not be able to eat solid food, and then the Examiner will be chock full of news you can use.

Willie Nelson saves horses from slaughter

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 10 May 2010

It isn't exactly news, but one of Willie Nelson's main causes is Habitat for Horses, a group which save horses from being transported to other countries for slaughter. The Examiner, not known for publishing a lot of positive stories about celebrities, gives Willie and his cause the majority of the front page.

Thank you for your hard work and generosity, Mr. Nelson.

Willie Nelson saves horses from slaughter

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 10 May 2010

It isn't exactly news, but one of Willie Nelson's main causes is Habitat for Horses, a group which save horses from being transported to other countries for slaughter. The Examiner, not known for publishing a lot of positive stories about celebrities, gives Willie and his cause the majority of the front page.

Thank you for your hard work and generosity, Mr. Nelson.

Bells Done Rung™?:Crystal Bowersox's Vegas Vows

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 10 May 2010

I want to thank Star magazine for realizing that not everyone knows who Crystal Bowersox is and using her first and last name on the cover. The American Idol contestant was in Las Vegas for the show's Elvis week, and she had a ceremony with her boyfriend to pledge their love. They say it wasn't a marriage, but it did include an Elvis impersonator as the official, so in Nevada, I think that means those crazy kids done got hitched.

Bells Done Rung™?:Crystal Bowersox's Vegas Vows

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 10 May 2010

I want to thank Star magazine for realizing that not everyone knows who Crystal Bowersox is and using her first and last name on the cover. The American Idol contestant was in Las Vegas for the show's Elvis week, and she had a ceremony with her boyfriend to pledge their love. They say it wasn't a marriage, but it did include an Elvis impersonator as the official, so in Nevada, I think that means those crazy kids done got hitched.

Tabloid genealogy alert:Oprah related to Elvis!

Publication: Sun
Date: 10 May 2010

It was only a few weeks ago that the tabloids wanted us to care who Oprah's true father was. Now the Sun makes a leap into uncharted territory (for them) and gives us some celebrity news.

Oprah Winfrey is related to Elvis Presley.

And their distant blood connection means they also have a psychic link!

Okay, that's more like the Sun we know and (kind of) love.