On the Rocks Alert times five:The Examiner rehashes old stories and hopes you won't notice.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 10 May 2010

There is a pattern in the Examiner to have a single headline carry multiple sub-stories. We've had the secrets of country and western music stars, the troubles with the law of celebrity kids, the standard "who's gay and who's not stuff" in the past few months, and now we have a bunch of celebrity divorces and break-ups under a single banner headline. Everything in this story has been published someplace else already, but the Examiner is hoping its older readers will have not seen all these before or maybe they have and they've just forgotten.

• Good Catholic Mel Gibson divorced his wife for a hot Russian chick, and he's already given her the bootski
• Richard Chamberlain has left the man he has lived with since Nixon was president
• Susan Sarandon has a hot new boy toy
• Melissa Ethridge and her wife are calling it quits
• Larry King had sex with his wife's sister

If you know you've already heard all these things before, you are obviously not the target market for the Examiner. They can wait, of course. Eventually you will not be able to eat solid food, and then the Examiner will be chock full of news you can use.